Thus far

Be Still

2012-03-09T11:22:00.001-08:00

This week's p52 theme was "Be Still." These images from this week immediately came to mind. Sometime in the last year, our older kids started getting into bed with us in the morning. They usually make their way individually into our room sometime after 7, and we can usually keep them with us until around 8:00. Sometimes they are restless and chatty, but many times they fall back asleep as we slowly start our morning together. I was debating changing up this routine, but the day I heard this conversation between Micah and Mackenna, I ended that debate in a hurry.
Micah: "Mackenna, Mackenna, wake up. It's light outside."
Mackenna: "Oh."
Micah: "Do you know what that means? Do you know what time it is? .... It's SNUGGLE TIME!"
And then all I heard was two pairs of feet running into my bed. Pure Sweetness.

On this particular day, they must have been really tired, because Curt and I both had gotten up and taken showers before they even moved. My sleeping babes. Still. Sweet.

And, yes, that is a boy holding his twin sister's hand. I'm so glad they have each other.

Great Leap

2012-03-02T05:44:00.000-08:00

I was so proud of my big boy on our first beach trip of the year. It is so neat to see so clearly how they grow up in the few months that we are away from the beach (about five months this year). The water was still a little chilly, which would usually send him running for the sand. Instead, this time he happily splashed the water on his head, jumped in with both feet, and danced around.

He was proud of himself too.

Cabin Fever

2012-03-02T05:39:00.000-08:00

Well, I didn't quite make it in time for last week's challenge. In the spirit of following through, here are my cabin fever images. There is no better way to celebrate a beautiful February day (and help our visiting Maine friends burn off their cabin fever) than by going to the beach. It does the heart good. (Maybe this won't feel like quite as much gloating since I'm not able to link up to the rest of the group.)

Blur

2012-03-01T13:07:00.000-08:00

Dearest Jocelyn,

Well, safe to say that this month has been a blur. A sweet and happy blur, but I still can't believe how fast it has gone. (If you want further evidence of this, dare to compare the date of this post with the actual date of your 5 month birthday.)

You have been super sweet this month. You are extremely laid back, squishy, and smiley. You are pretty easy to please, especially when we stick to your routine. If your belly is full, you are more than happy to lay on a blanket and look at your toys or bat at your toy bar. You may grunt/talk a little bit, either happily or to let me know that you are ready for a change of scenery. Often, when I hear you starting to grunt, I look at the clock and realize it is about the usual time for your nap. I lay you in your bed, wrap you up, you smile at me, and then you stick your fingers in your mouth and turn your head to the side and go to sleep. Sometimes, to add a little drama to this, you will drape your other arm over your eyes as you are going to sleep.

You are so easy to please that sometimes it is hard to come up with what you "really like." I would have to say that your favorite place to be is still on your back looking at your toys - either your "Hello Baby" toy gym, the Baby Einstein activity bar, or your crib mobile. You definitely prefer to be facing out when someone is holding you - you can tend to go a little ballistic if someone tries to snuggle you in any other way. Sometimes you will turn your head around backwards in order to look up at whoever is holding you while in that position. You will usually grant the person a smile once you see them.

You are doing better and better with sitting up on our laps. You will usually lift your head straight up and look at us if we are talking to you. Actually, I think you probably prefer standing on our laps and looking at us instead of sitting there.

Daddy has started doing the "Superman" game with you. When you hear him start to sing the song, you will usually give him a big smile because you know he will lift you up to fly at the "BUM-bum-bum" part.

You haven't latched onto a favorite thing yet. Sometimes I will give you your rabbit blankie and you will grab onto it, and sometimes you seem to like rubbing on your muslin swaddling blanket, but nothing has totally won your affection yet. (Except me of course, right?)

You are definitely noticing more and more about your surroundings. I love the big smile you give me when I come into your "bedroom" (yes, you still sleep in the bathroom) after a nap or nighttime. When I flip the light on, you take some time to squint and get used to the light, and then you usually will give yourself a great big smile in the mirror. You think you are pretty great, too. The other day, one of the cats walked by you and totally caught your eye. You followed him wherever he went after that. You are also getting more social with your feeding times. You have started the super cute thing of taking a break and smiling or just looking at me while you are eating.

You aren't growing by leaps and bounds, which seems pretty similar to what your brother and sister were doing at this point. You seem to have a healthy amount of chub all over your body, but you aren't gaining much weight. To be honest, you don't eat super frequently during the day, but you are extremely content between feedings and you are willingly sleeping all night. You still absolutely refuse a bottle (more on that in just a second), so I don't think that supplementing is a solution, even if I was interested. You seem quite healthy in this aspect, and I will hope that you either have a growth spurt in the next few weeks or that the pediatrician agrees with me at six months.

I did spend a couple of days away from you at the beginning of February. I went to a photography workshop down at Clearwater Beach. I had thought that daddy would be able to keep you and feed you while I was away. Even the idea of this made you very angry with us, and you let us know every time we tried to give you a bottle in the days leading up to the workshop. We decided it was best if dad just brought you down (with your brother and sister) twice a day for me to feed you while I was gone. You seemed to approve. If I haven't told you lately, you have a really great daddy.

At three months old, you were seeming to be turning into quite the chatterer. You have definitely mellowed out and quieted down. That is okay, but we do love to hear what you "have to say" so feel free to speak up whenever you would like. (Notice I said "speak up" not "scream up.") You do like to laugh, but not really at your immediate family. You cracked up at two of your little friends on Valentine's Day as they were jumping up and down and the same with a little boy in the nursery. When I try to do silly things to make you giggle, you look at me like you are bored stiff. I'll keep trying. (So will your brother and sister, so please continue to humor us from time to time with a laugh, even if it is just a courtesy laugh.)

You are happily looking at your loving brother in this picture.

And putting up with being snuggled by your adoring sister in this one.

I've mentioned before that you have been super sweet and laid back this month - to further emphasize that, I should also add that this sweet behavior has been in addition to me adding dairy back into my diet and weaning you off the Zantac. Sometime this month we stopped giving it in the middle of the day and then stopped altogether. You seem fine. I'm enjoying my cheese and ice cream again (specifically, baked ziti and double fudge brownie ice cream - not together of course).

On the day you turned five months old you took your first trip to the beach - Ft. DeSoto. You were great. You even took one nap inside the tent. You also were willing to chill out in there even when you weren't sleeping. Daddy was kind enough to come into the little tent and get you to giggle at him (Don't be fooled, he was also trying to get his charbroiled skin out of the hot sun).

We had a great day together as a family; we were so glad to have you along with us. I'm just so thankful that you are a part of our family - you are a great fit. We love you very much.

I'm going to try and not panic too much about the fact that in three weeks I need to begin writing a six month letter! I'll just keep soaking in your sweetness and telling you just how much we love you, our little Jocie Bit.

Hugs and Kisses,
Your Mama

Two Heads

2012-03-01T11:32:00.000-08:00

Micah: "You are trying to get Jocelyn to look at you, but I want her to look at me. And she doesn't have two heads. That's silly that she doesn't have two heads."

I don't think I think it's as silly as he does.

Waiting another day

2012-02-29T10:44:00.000-08:00

I was full of plans to catch up on some back blogging last night...and some back paper filing and bill organizing, but that isn't quite as exciting.

My little sweat pea had gone from perfectly well to perfectly sick in a 6 hour period on Sunday. First came a cough, than a goopey gunky eye, then a fever, then congestion. She was miserable. On Monday, the doctor opted to treat the eye with an oral antibiotic, because of the addition of the fever. She made a quick, quick turn around, and this is the face I was able to spend yesterday with.

And this one (he was showing me that he can count backwards from 9).

And this one too (she was copying Micah and just being generally cute).

All was well. Our small group was coming over, and my kids were counting the minutes until their friends were going to get here "next year" (the differences between today, tomorrow, minute, day, month, year are still a little lost on them). Micah had been a bit of an emotional wreck all day, but I wasn't thinking too much of it. He woke up from nap complaining that his ear hurt, so much so that these were his words, "Mom, I don't really think that I can eat dinner because my ear hurts too bad." Shoot.

So our evening plans were scratched, and Curt took Micah to the pediatric walk in clinic. He came home with three prescriptions. So much for me being a good diagnostition and thinking that Micah was getting healthy. She felt he was headed down a pneumonia route and wanted to head it off at the pass. Thanks. I was thinking that she might have overreacted, until Micah walked in the door covered in puke since he coughed so hard on the ride home. Great.

So, yeah, when all the kids were finally in bed around 10:00, I didn't have much energy left for anything.

And, now, when my baby seems to have taken a turn for the worse, I'm still thankful for the happy face she had yesterday and wishing she still had it today.

Project 52 - Love!

2012-02-17T05:40:00.001-08:00

I'm jumping in 6 weeks late to a Project 52 with My 3 Boybarians. This week's theme was "True Love." I took some photos of my favorite trio of Valentines on Tuesday that scream love to me.

I mean, what says "love" more than a little one being totally bored out of her mind by her siblings' kisses?!

I'm pretty sure the look that little one is giving her big sister in this photo is a five month old's definition of love.

Likewise, my older daughter's face is beaming with love for her little "doll" sister in this shot.

And, maybe this photo doesn't sum up their love for each other, but it is definitely a gigantic "Love" image for me. Love Love Love these three kiddos.

First trip to Disney in 2012

2012-02-15T12:20:00.000-08:00

Bottom Line: We like Disney World. All of us. I have officially converted Curt to my side on this one. We sat down on a Sunday afternoon and discussed our options for where to buy family passes with some of our Christmas money. There were options that were more budget friendly than Disney, but none that we knew our kids (and us) would enjoy as much. And these were Curt's words. He has come so far! There are some perks to living in Florida, and our closeness to Disney, and the reduced prices that come with that, are some of them. So, after talking about it on Sunday, we went on Monday.

That night, Mackenna woke up coughing. Curt brought her into bed with us and then promptly went back to sleep while I laid awake as she repeatedly coughed in my ear. We moved to the lazyboy sometime around 3 am. I was worried this would cause us to cancel our plans (we hadn't told the kids yet). In the morning, I asked Mackenna how she felt, and she said "great," even before I asked the question, "Do you want to go to Disney World today?" Ha. What kind of question is that. Mackenna responded with her high pitched "yes." Micah responded with "after I watch my shows."

We reminded the kids on the way over to Disney of our new family mantra, "no crying at Disney World." They get it, and pretty much live by it. We can't wait for them to teach Jocelyn the motto too.

We left the house sometime after 8 and were in the gates by 10:30. It was probably our latest arrival at Disney World yet, but having multiple day passes helped us keep a rather low key attitude about the whole thing. Remember - even for mamas - no crying at Disney World.

We did all of our favorites, and some new things too. Dad and the older kids rode Buzz Lightyear, while Jocelyn snoozed in the stroller. We rode the racecars. We were able to do a baby swap for this one, so Micah and Dad waited in the line while Mackenna, and Jocelyn, and I hung out - and even met the White Rabbit. Then Mackenna and I were able to go back and ride later without waiting. That worked out nicely. Mackenna and Dad rode the teacups; Micah passed this time. We ate lunch and then attempted to all ride Small World. We learned that Jocelyn does NOT like the Ergo carrier at this point. She only wants to face out. And she does not want to sleep in our arms. So after screaming through line (only her, not me), we decided it was best to not subject everyone in our boat to her screaming during the ride too. She and I excused ourselves and she happily went to sleep in her stroller.

We took turns using our fast passes on Peter Pan and then decided it was snack time. Usually snack time comes during Micah and Mackenna's nap time in the stroller. Since those are things of the past, we all got to partake in snack time. They had their first Dole Whip experience. It was definitely a hit. Mackenna was happy to share with me instead of Dad since I'm still watching the amount of dairy I eat for Jocelyn's sake (but I'm thrilled to report that I'm eating much more dairy than I ever thought possible!)

We explored Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse for the first time, and then headed over to Tomorrow Land because Micah wanted to ride the airplanes. We stopped by the castle because we realized it was almost time for the parade. We got a good spot, and I took Jocelyn into the babycare center to feed her. I would have stayed and rocked her longer, but I realized that if I didn't leave, I was going to be trapped on the opposite side of the street during the parade.

How did they get so old?

He honestly was turning around to say "MICKEY!" to me in this photo. Precious.

Curt then took the kids on the airplane/rocket ride....that they insisted that they wanted to ride. Afterwards they decided that it was too fast and too high. Yay. That line is too long anyway. We all rode Buzz Lightyear together - Jocelyn's first ride. We then needed something else to do and someplace to sit for a minute, so we ended up at the Monster's Inc Laugh Floor. Funny story (at least to me). I decided to take advantage of a show and the sitting down to feed Jocelyn. I was covered, but it is still fairly obvious what I was doing. I realized after the show got started that they incorporated live video feed of audience members into the show. Oh well - surely we won't be on the screen. But one of us was - not me thankfully - but Mackenna was picked to be "Boo." It was so cute and shocking to see her up there. The show is really cute.

We ended our day with seeing a bit of the show at the castle, taking some pictures by the castle, visiting the princesses (Mackenna) and Mickey (Micah). We also had Jocelyn take a picture with the Minnie statue. We wanted to find something that we could count on being able to photographer her with each time we are there. If we go a few more times this year, it will be a cute way to document her growth. Next time, I'll have her looking at Minnie, don't worry.

Telling Cinderella that she is three. (Again, I was the least impressed with Cinderella. She doesn't live up to her much anticipated reputation.)

Since this was our first Disney trip in the "post nap" era for the twins, the level of tiredness at the end of the day was at an all time high. They seriously were asleep before we got on the monorail. This was cute and all, but then we were left at the tram station realizing that there was no way we could get two sleeping toddlers, a baby, our bags, and our collapsed stroller onto the tram. We had to walk to the car. Which wasn't that far...but at the end of the day, it feels far...because it actually kind of is. We ate at Chick-fil-A in Kissimmee, put jammies on everyone, and had them all in bed by about 8:45. Not bad. It really is crazy how much we were able to do at Disney and we weren't really even gone from our house for much more than 12 hours.

A few other random memories:
- We met Mary Poppins for the first time. Micah didn't want to hug her. Mackenna did. She was charming, as expected. Characters like that deserve way more money than the ones who get to hide behind costumes and not talk to children.
- I asked Mackenna who her favorite princesses were that day. She said all of them.
- Micah said his favorite thing that day was the Monster show. (For the record, he acted bored and asked for a snack the whole time we were there.)
- Mackenna said her favorite thing was the Rabbit in Wonderland.
- They both agreed that their other favorites were Peter Pan and Small World.
- Mackenna insisted that the next time we are there, she is going to ask Alice if the Chesire Cat is there that day. We'll see if she remembers.
- I can't believe I actually managed to go to Disney for a day and not ride Small World. Wow.

Valentine's Day 2012

2012-02-14T18:58:00.000-08:00

A couple of things I overheard on this happiest of love days.

As Daddy's car pulled in the driveway after work, Micah: "Let's take a pause and go hug Daddy."

As I got back in the car after a quick trip into the grocery store (to get some fruit to take for dinner to a friend's house, a friend who fed us twice today!), Mackenna: "I love you Micah." Micah: "I love you Mackenna." Did I mention they were holding hands as they said this?

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I thought it would be fun to interview the kids about their love interests today. Here are their interviews:

Micah:

What do you love? "I love you, mommy, and I love Mackenna, and Daddy, and Elliana, and Audrey, and....umm, uh...Ava and Faith, and Autumn, and Lily, and um, I love, our friend Audrey, and what else...

What shows do you love? "Busy World, that's the first one, and Busy Town, and that's the second one, and....I like, um, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, that's the fourth one,...what other shows are on? I like Einsteins, that's the fourth, that's another one). I like Phonics Farm, that's the fieth one. Those are all the shows I like.

What do you love about Daddy? "When he wants to play with me, and when he goes to work, and what else, I love when um, Daddy drives back to our house, and what else, and I love when um we um when he goes to get something for me."

What do you love about Mackenna? "I love that she rides her bicycle fast. I love that she plays with me sometimes. I love when she does her work. That's all."

What do you love about Jocelyn? "I love that she smiles at me when I smile at her. And I love that I took a picture with her and I hold her. And...I think that's all."

What about mommy? "I love that you pick me up sometimes. I love that I give hugs to you. I love that you kiss daddy. And, I think that's all."

How can you show people that you love them? "By being happy. By sharing."

Do you remember the verse we learned about love? Love is.... "kind." And what else? Love is......"patient."

Do you know that I love you? "Yeah."
How long will I love you? "I think for a long times. And you'll love Mackenna for a long times."

"Is that all? I want to go back outside."

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Mackenna:

Who do you love? "What do you have special for me?"
No, this conversation is the special thing I wanted to do with you. Who do you love? "Elliana, I don't like anyone else."
What about Micah and daddy? "No."
Do you want to go back outside and play? "Mm hmm"

Well, that went well.
And to further endear herself to her mother, once we got back outside, she proceeded to tell me that I had a big belly. Thanks sweetie.

We tried again later.

Who do you love? "I love Lily and I love Elliana and I love Emma and I love the friend at the castle park, And I like...that's all."
What about your family? "mmmmm...I like baby Jocelyn."
What about Micah and Daddy? "I like Micah and Daddy and You and Maggie and Christa and Audra and Nana and Allison and Grandma and Grandma Snyder. That's all the friends I love."

What are some things you love? "I love everything in the world. parks. and Indiana. and houses. and that's all the things I like."

What do you love about Daddy? "I love work. I love when daddy plays and I like babies with Daddy. And I like kids that daddy draws for me. I love to play with him and I like to play with Micah with Daddy. And I like stickers to play with my notebook."

What do you love about Micah? "Micah does good things and play with me and show good surprises for me. And he shows pictures of me. And he shows good bows."

What do you love about Jocelyn? "I love her playing and saying "uh ga ga" and I love her to talk for me and I love her to snuggle with me on the couch. And I love her so much that I wholly love all my friends."

"And I love all the friends I like."

What do you love about mommy? "I like you to show me things and good surprises. And put bows in my hair. And I like you to play with me. And I like good pictures to show me."

How can you show people that you love them? "Show them how to play with me and how to play games."

"Audra is bigger than me but I'm still her best friend."

Do you remember the verse about Love? Love is..."kind. Love is peaceful too." What else? Love is.... p p p ..... patient. "Oh. Patient. And kind and peaceful."

Do you know that I love you? "uh-huh"
How long will I love you? "This long." (hands stretched out wide)
How much do I love you? "This long." (hands close together) "Or this long." (hands stretched out) "Like four pickles in a row."

"What is love about? Kindness, and peace for the shepherds."

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A few more pictures of my three second favorite Valentine's:

Four Month Old Jocelyn

2012-01-26T12:52:00.000-08:00

Dearest Jocelyn,

Well, you are another month older! Time keeps going on, and we keep falling more in love with you...our little "Jocie-bit" or "Sweet girl." You really are super sweet. You have been really really laid back this month. You aren't super talkative or vocal, but there are usually a few times in the day where you will babble back and forth with me or dad - usually dad. You two seem to have a special relationship; he is the number one person to make you laugh. Your laughter is an awesome sound. You seem to be a pretty discerning laugher; not everything will merit a good belly laugh from you! Sometimes I can get one by making a "squeezing air out of my cheeks noise" or by coughing (I coughed so much in these last two months that I'm pretty sure you can identify your mommy by my cough). Daddy makes this crazy "buh-buh-du-du-doo-doo" noise in a high-pitched voice - and if anything will make you laugh, this will.

Your brother and sister each had a "thing" that everyone always said about them - for Micah it was commenting on his long eyelashes. For Mackenna it was talking about her curl on her forehead or talking about how she just looked like a girl. For you, everyone, and I mean everyone, comments on how you are a "doll." Grandpa Sharbaugh kept saying it at Christmas and even the random lady at Ikea told us that you just look like a perfect little baby doll. We agree.

You are getting bigger. You officially wear size 2 diapers and 3-6 month clothes. You are right below the 50th percentile for weight (right where you have been since birth) - 13 pounds 7 ounces - and almost at the 90th percentile for height - 25.25 inches. Your head size is closer to the 25th percentile. This confirms what I think about who you look like. We always say that you are the girl version of your brother, and I do think that you look mostly like Micah. However, I think your head is shaped more like your sister's, and that is one of the things that gives you a different look from Micah.

You are enjoying tummy time a little bit more, and holding your head up better and better while you are on your stomach. You don't push yourself up with your hands yet while you are on your belly, and you don't roll over. The doctor said we should just keep giving you more opportunities - goody. You have sat in the bumbo seat some and also your exersaucer. You still prefer to lie on your back and look at your "hello baby mirror" or play with the green caterpillar rattle toy or bat at the same toy bar that Mackenna loved. You will grab for toys and sometimes bring them to your mouth. You are pretty good at holding your head up when you are sitting on our laps, although you look down more than you look up. You love facing out while we are holding you, and you will likely be soaking the arm that is holding you with lots and lots of drool. We are waiting for some teeth around here. They don't seem to be bothering you much yet, so I'm quite content for them to stay in your gums for awhile longer. I don't put drool bibs on you, but maybe I should!

Like I just said, you love facing out and being held. The other day, you went to the grocery store with just Dad and I for a major shopping trip. You were content and calm the entire time because one of us was holding you in this desired position. Same thing when we went to visit preschools. Your easy going self is at its finest when you are held like this.

You are officially NOT a snuggler. If I try to put you up against my body on my shoulder, you totally freak out. If I try to cradle you in my arms, you freak out even more. Sometimes I can rock you if I sit you up in my lap and face you out, but not often, and you will rarely fall asleep like this. You like your bed, you like to be swaddled and lie on your back, you like your sound machine, and you are starting to like your pink bunny. You do NOT need mama in order to fall asleep, that is for sure, and that is okay...I guess. I'm here if you change your mind.

You are getting a little more hair, but still not a lot. You are definitely a blondie so far. You have a pretty rocking bald spot on the back of your sweet little head. I still love to kiss the top of your head; you are so soft and fuzzy right now.

As far as your routine, it was about the same as last month until Friday the 13th. You totally changed things up on that day, and I was thinking it was a fluke, until you did it for four days straight. You have had a few days since then where you haven't done it, but for the most part, this is the schedule that YOU put YOURSELF on:
8 AM: Wake, Eat, Zantac, Play
9:30: Sleep
Noon: Wake, Eat, Play
2:00: Eat, Zantac, Sleep
5:00: Wake, Eat, Play
Sometime between 7 and 8: Zantac, Bath, Eat, Bed (We are still figuring you out at nighttime. Not sure what your ideal bedtime is. However, I do know that if I miss your magic bedtime window, you get really really mad. So mad that you won't eat and just choose to go to bed hungry out of spite. It works okay; I will usually just wake you up then before I go to bed and feed you. Silly girl. Oh, and, yes, you usually sleep through the night. You have pretty much dropped that early morning feeding all together.)

Oh...and I almost forgot...you are officially a two-finger-sucker now. You do it all the time, and you seem to really like it.

So I guess that about sums up "you at four months." We really like you. We have spent a lot of this month at home (you finally were in your own home on the 21st of a month), and you have been super calm at just chilling and going with the flow. I love hearing you talk, but it is okay that you don't talk too much at this point. You seem to be happy and that makes me pretty happy too.

Love you,
Your Mama

Things you learn when you and your daughter are both nursing your babies

2012-01-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

1.) Mackenna is quite a conscientious mother. The other day, baby Raelyn did everything that Jocelyn did. Eat. Burp. Get medicine. Have tummy time. Swing. Nap. Get Swaddled. Get changed. Everything.

2.) Watching Mackenna watch me as I was nursing Jocelyn, looking for what she was supposed to do next with Raelyn was absolutely adorable. I could tell at one point that she was bored and ready for Raelyn to be done eating. I told her she could go play. She refused until Jocelyn was finished eating as well. She then dutifully switched sides and gave Raelyn some more to eat. Sweetness.

3.) I asked Mackenna how many babies she wanted to have some day. At first she counted on her fingers and said 5. Then she switched to the other hand and counted 6 fingers and changed her answer. Then she counted both hands together and came up with 21 fingers. That is how many kids she wants. (Don't worry, she only really has 10 fingers.)

4.) Mackenna understands that I am her baby's grandma and daddy is her baby's grandpa. She also is quite certain that Micah is her baby's dad.

5.) Micah is quite insistent that Mackenna can't actually feed her baby "that way." This is because Mackenna doesn't have the "ovals" that are necessary to feed a baby.

6.) I really hope this is as close as I get to actually nursing a baby while my eldest daughter is also nursing her baby.

(This is actually baby Kathryn. Not Raelyn. And, as you can see by the long hair, this was a picture from earlier this month. Aren't the matching dresses adorable!!)

M&Misms

2012-01-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

About some yogurt that I tried to mix half vanilla and half plain to cut the sugar:
Micah: "I don't like vanilla."
Me: "Yes you do."
Micah: "But it's different....and I don't really like different."

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During a disagreement about seats at lunch, about who would get to sit in the seat that more faced the window:
Mackenna: "But I want to see the beautiful world."

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Micah, to Mackenna: "That's it, you're off my list."

(P.S. Not sure what else to say about this, but Mackenna has taken to saying "yeah" with this attitude/hick voice that causes it to sound like "yaa-uh." It is really funny and catches me off guard all the time.)

Little Bit has turned me into a Home Girl

2012-01-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

We went to the park today. This didn't used to be a note worthy event. I was always a go go go mom. The term "stay at home" mom should have been changed to "get out of the home with the kids mom" when it was applied to me. However, things have changed. I can count on one hand the number of times I have taken the kids anywhere this month. And it doesn't bother me one bit. I am liking staying home. Partly because it is all I have the energy for, but also because it is a nice place to be, with nice people filling it. Little Bit has been taking really killer naps, which also leads to us staying home more so that she can take these amazing, only used to read about in books, kinds of naps. Also, I've been sick for two months; so there's that. The older two are a little restless, but the questions of, "are we going somewhere today" are taming down a bit. We are all getting settled into a January routine of being home. It is kind of nice.

Top Quotes from my week - from all three of my babies

2012-01-18T18:54:00.000-08:00

We'll go from oldest to youngest:

Micah:
He had woken up from a deep sleep sometime before midnight on Monday night. He came out into the living room in a sweaty panic. He was crying and asking for a drink....repeatedly and very "passionately." We tried to calm him down, and Curt went to get him a drink. I asked him to come sit next to me on the couch. I ran my fingers through his hair and let him calm down a bit. I asked him if he had a bad dream. He quickly said yes. I was pleased to hear some reason for his panic. I asked him what the dream was about. He responded (in his after sobbing, broken voice), "I dreamed that I couldn't have a drink."

Mackenna:
I was feeding Jocelyn yesterday and it wasn't going very well. She was distracted and a little angry. Mackenna was right in her face and kind of making at least one of us claustrophobic. I told Mackenna I was going to go feed Jocelyn in my room. She wanted to come with us, and I told her no, that I needed to go to a quiet place. A little while later, when I was done, I called for Mackenna to come do something for me. She said she couldn't because she was feeding her baby. Still in the other room, I asked if I could come see. Without missing a beat, she said, "No, this is my quiet place." I did make it out to the living room not only to see her nursing her baby but also to see her holding her shirt up and out of the way with her mouth, the exact way I frequently do it during nursings. I was in awe of what she had absorbed.

Jocelyn:
Prerequisites to understanding this encounter: 1.) We visited potential preschools for M&M today 2.) While I was feeding Jocelyn, I was watching the DVR'ed Parenthood episode about Haddie going off to college.
Jocie was sitting on my lap smiling up at me after eating. This inspired me to have a little chat with her. I told her that she was my precious, beautiful little baby. I commented that she would not always be little. One day she would be big and go to preschool and even go off to college some day. I asked her if she would remember her mama and all the great care I provided her in these days. She responded by filling her pants. I took that as a yes.

(About the pictures: My elder two lovelies happily chose to lay side by side, sharing a blanket and pillow, while they watched some Sesame Street. Be still my heart. My youngest little lovebit has become a two finger sucker and that last photo shows her showing off her new obsession and clinging onto my old obsession - the pink blankie that I passed on to Mackenna who somewhat rejected it and passed it on to Jocelyn. I have two daughters. How did this happen?!)

Is this the little girl I carried?

2012-01-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

I left the house today with a "long hair Rapunzel"

And I came home with a beautiful "short hair Rapunzel."

I love them both.

Mom Thoughts - Disjointed Style

2012-01-06T06:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday a friend shared this post on facebook, about "not seizing the day with our kids." I really appreciated what she had to say. I think she is right on about it not being possible or even important to love and adore every minute we have with our children. Some moments, like cleaning puddles of pee off the floor, are just not lovable. I do think it is very important that we still love our kids in those moments, that we are still grateful for them, that we wouldn't trade our children away for one second of not having to go through those moments, but we don't have to have a fake appreciation for those actual moments. I agree with her, I am very thankful that I am a mom and I know that later I will be thankful and sentimental about the fact that I was able to mother, but it doesn't mean that I will have loved every moment of the mothering. Trying to make myself feel that way every second of the day just loads me with unnecessary guilt. Not a great situation.

A similar situation I am deals with how I am dealing with my sweet little bundle of J becoming a sweet bigger bundle of J. I very much want to "rock my baby because babies don't keep." However, my sweet baby does not want to be rocked. When she has had it, she wants to be swaddled and laid in her bed. Am I bad mother or am I not savoring these moments if I go ahead and do what she wants and what is best for her and just lay her in bed? I have to believe that I am not. However, it is easy to beat myself up for not cuddling her more or rocking her more, with the well meaning sayings of many older ladies running through my head. "Mom Guilt" - yuck. The truth is that I can't slow down time and I can't make her want something she doesn't want. I know she will cuddle with me again one day. Until then, I will keep loving her and taking care of her and meeting her needs when she expresses them (as soon as she does, if possible). I will tell her early and often how much she means to me. I will sing to her and pray for her. I will photograph her and journal about her. But I won't rock her - its not what she needs right now.

A p.s. about the article I linked to at the top. I did read the "about me" section of the mom's blog. We are not coming from the same perspective when it comes to God and what it means to live for him and glorify him. This has also caused me to think a lot. Not sure what else to say about that right now.

Quarter of a Year

2012-01-04T08:58:00.000-08:00

(Started on December 22nd...Finished on January 4th. That's what traveling over the holidays does to me.)

Dear Sweet Jocelyn,

For some reason, three months has always felt like a big deal to me. You are three months old. It sounds like an eternity. You are now a "big baby girl." I really am starting to know you more now. You don't feel like a stranger to me anymore. I am starting to figure you out. I am starting to know how you like to be held, what you like to do, what will make you happy, what routine works best for you.

You have gotten really smiley. You smile most when someone is looking directly at you, making eye contact and talking to you. You will give your gazing onlookers a big smile as a reward for their time. I think all your grandparents and two of your great grandparents were given the Jocelyn smile treatment during our time in Indiana. Your smile really melts my heart (especially when you give me a great big one when I come into your "room" to get you up from a nap or nighttime). When you smile, your eyes kind of get all squinty and change in shape. It is a cute little thing that makes you you.

You have been napping really well, especially if you are in your bed (still your pack n play bassinet in your bedroom/bathroom). The sound machine is like a magic drug for you...there are times I feel like it puts you instantly to sleep. You have definitely transitioned from being rocked to sleep to being completely self soothing. When I try to rock you to sleep, it just doesn't work. I will give in and lay you down, swaddling you in Aunt Marcia's blanket, turn on your sound machine, and you usually go from screaming to sleeping within two minutes. I am happy that you do this, but I do miss the snuggles and the rocking. I'm not sure how this transition happened. I never really let you "cry it out" (at least not for more than five minutes or so), but you just kind of did this.

You usually get up for the day between 8 and 9. You are really really content and happy during these morning hours. You get a dose of Zantac (.8 mL) after your first nursing (This combined with my mostly dairy free diet really does seem to help you). Then you will usually lay on the floor looking at your toy gym or watch your mobile. Between an hour and half and two hours later, you'll go back down for your first nap. Then you'll wake up, nurse, and repeat the cycle. You are eating about every 3 to 3.5 hours. After your second nap, you'll get another dose of Zantac. You will usually doze sometime again in the evening, sometimes in your bed, swing, or carseat. You are less happy in the evening, especially if you aren't getting your way. You are getting less easy to take places like restaurants. Between 8 and 9, you get another dose of medicine, daddy gives you a bath, you get oiled up, nursed, and put to bed. You usually only wake up once to eat - sometime between 3 and 6 am. You are doing great with this routine. All that may change soon is giving up the evening nap and just moving bedtime back. I'm not sure what would be best for you...maybe I'll have it figured out by next month.

You are nursing really well. Most feedings you will now take both sides. I do think you are somewhat of a snacker. You will quit actively nursing when the easy milk is all gone. Giving you the other side will cause the same result. You seem to still be gaining weight, so I'm not too worried, but you could probably put forth a little more effort in this area :) You do not like a bottle. You refused one in Indiana when mommy didn't get home from the farm in time to feed you. We'll keep working on this (halfheartedly). This is not a huge problem in my opinion; I would far rather have this situation than the opposite.

You have done some cooing and almost laughing - especially with your daddy at bathtime. You seem to love the bath and get really excited when you know it is coming. Cooing and gurgling back and forth at you is something your dad and I really really enjoy. We can't wait to hear more from you. And, based on your voice so far, we have a feeling we'll be hearing a lot from you.

When it comes to being held, you definitely prefer facing out. Not sure if this is because it makes your belly feel better or if you just really like to see what is going on. And sometimes you just prefer to not be held at all. I try to not take this personally. There are times when you are fussy and squirmy in our arms and laying you on the floor and talking to you or giving you a mirror to look at (you really like to stare at yourself) is what seems to calm you down. You like laying down and looking at toys so much that we kind of forgot about tummy time. We are working on fixing that now.

As I already mentioned, you do seem to be a people person. You also seem to have a pretty strong opinion - you have a pretty loud and strong anger streak sometimes. You also didn't seem to go with the flow in the womb. And you are turning into a talker. These are your dad and I's predictions about your future personality. We are excited to see what happens, however these early characteristics show in your life.

As always and for always, we love you. I loved having a baby during this Christmas season. We were busy and it was a whirlwind, but you were such a champ and I still tried to soak in as much of you as I could. Thank you for being my baby. I can't wait to see what is ahead - I'll stop trying to slow down time too much.

Love,
Mama

P.S. Your one month birthday was spent in Indiana, your two month birthday in Orlando, and your three month back in Indiana. This has kind of put a damper on taking a traditional month photo of you. I have lots of pictures of you that I love, that show your personality, but not so many that show how much you are just growing and growing. Maybe we'll start now...but I won't make any promises. I love you, and I hate that you are growing so fast (size 2 diapers and clearly in 3-6 month clothes). Maybe that is why I'm not taking "growing up" kinds of pictures :)

Wrapping up 2011...a few more M&Misms

2011-12-31T19:41:00.000-08:00

We just got home from a very long drive. The front room is an explosion of packages and suitcases. The back room looks pretty good. I'll stay back here and get these sayings recorded before the clock turns to 2012.

----
Dad: "Mackenna, I love you...even if you whine."
Mackenna: "I still love you even if you chew your nails."
Dad: "Does that make us even?"
Mackenna: "Yes, very even."

----
Upon arriving in Tennessee from Florida, at nighttime.

Mackenna: "Is this Tennessee?"
Me: "Yes, it is."
Mackenna: "It is dark in Tennessee. I can't see in Tennessee."

Micah: "Mom, the trees look different here."
Me: "Yes they do buddy. How are they different?"
Micah: "They are like branches trees."

----
To Great Grandma Snyder:
Mackenna: "Grandma, your hands and skin are all krumply."

----
Mackenna: "I want to sit by Audra at dinner. She is a genius."

----
Me, Tucking the twins in bed: "I don't want you to get up until morning."
Micah: "Well, if Nana comes in and asks me if I want to get up and watch Curious George with Allison, then maybe I will get up."

----
Shopping for some relatives for last minute Christmas gifts:
Micah: "Are Ashley and Cole both boys?"
Me: "No, one is a boy and one is a girl."
Micah: "Oh, so we need one beautiful gift and one cool gift."

----
Waking up and seeing snow out the window:
Mackenna: "It snowed!!!! It's Christmas!!!!"

----
Very triumphantly, Micah: "Dad, you were wrong. Dad, you were wrong."

----

Getting ready to drive back to Florida:
Micah: "I know why it is a long way to Florida."
Dad: "Why?"
Micah: "Because we drove a long way to Indiana.

----

After tattling about Micah coloring on table and after Daddy telling him to stop:
Mackenna: "Thank you dad for dealing with his disobedience."

----
Complaining about the snack I offered him, trying to convince me to give him another Lifesaver mint instead:
Micah: "I had Teddy Grahams before."
Me: "Yeah?"
(Micah smiles and pauses, realizes that his logic is breaking down, and decides to lie instead of being illogical in his reasoning.)
Micah: "I haven't had a circle thing before."
(Oh my)

Music Moves

2011-12-16T20:02:00.000-08:00

We were driving home after Christmas shopping, listening to Christmas music, and a “fast” song came on. Micah starting shaking his hands really fast almost like he was playing a drum in the air. He stopped and said, “I like fast songs. I like fast songs because I can do my fast moves.” Then he resumed playing the air drum. Mackenna responded moving her arms slowly and gracefully back and forth and said, “I like beautiful songs because I can do my beautiful moves.” A little bit later, Silent Night came on, and Micah said, “Hey, it’s a beautiful song.” Mackenna immediately began her “beautiful moves”.

Please put a penny in the old man's hat

2011-12-16T10:59:00.000-08:00

"Christmas is coming" is one of those songs that always runs through my mind as the big day gets closer. Not sure why. I have very distinct memories of me singing that song loudly outside my childhood church after a Christmas Eve service one year. I was so very excited for Christmas. I still am. And it is tomorrow! Yes, Christmas comes tomorrow in the Florida Sharbaugh household. We all are pretty excited. And since it is tomorrow, I figured I should probably record some of these quotes before they get lost in the flurry of what is to come.

- On Monday Mackenna exclaimed, "I'm so exkited to go to Indiana." (Aren't we all. Well, all of us except maybe Jocelyn.)

- After getting one shot on Tuesday, Mackenna yelled to the nurse happily, "I want another one."

- While making chocolate christmas chex candy on Tuesday, Mackenna told me, "I like tasting." Very true, the best part of cooking.

- Some day this week I came into the Florida room and both M and M were on the couch with dolls. I asked them if they wanted to watch a show. Micah told me, "we are. We are watching the beanstalk show with baby Micah and baby Mackenna." They were staring at a dark, empty screen. Easy entertainment I guess.

- The other day Mackenna told me, "Mommy, I like your hair. It is messed up."

- On Wednesday I asked Mackenna if she would still have fun in Indiana if there was no snow. She told me, "Oh, it will snow when I get there mommy."

- After nap the other day, I turned on a Charlie Brown show. Micah exclaimed, "It's Snoofy! We have Snoofy Doo! Now can I have some pants?"

- Micah: "I'm going to take a picture of my baby sister because I love her." A boy after my own heart!

- While Mackenna was talking on the plugged in cell phone to to daddy, "Daddy, you're hooked to the wall."

- While doing an art project the other day, Micah said this about the paint, "I'm mixing it up. I'm an artist." He then went ahead to say, "Let's just be done."

- When the 12 days of Christmas song came on the other day, Mackenna said, "It's the my true love gave to me song." Micah corrected her, "actually, it's called a pear tree song."

------
Mackenna: "What are you doing mommy?"
Me: "I'm cleaning this junk off the stove."
Mackenna: "Do junk and truck rhyme?"
Me: "No, junk rhymes with trunk."
Mackenna, "Oh, what rhymes with truck?"
Me: "Duck, Muck."
Mackenna: (She went on to list quite a few more rhyming words for truck...including the one that we would have all preferred her to skip. We just moved on.)
Micah: "And Starbucks rhymes with trucks!" (Again, a boy after my own heart.)

----
Last night at dinner, Me: "Micah, please take your legos off the table."
Micah: "But I want to play with them."
Me: "You need to obey."
Micah, in his best pouting voice, thinking he was "winning" this argument: "Fine. I'm just going to eat. I'm not going to play with anything."

----
Micah: "Can I go potty and then get some lipstick on?" (referring to his chapstick that he insists on calling lipstick)

----
Me: "Mackenna, why did you mix your puzzle pieces with your Rice Krispies?"
Mackenna: "I was pretending to make a rocket pie."
At least it made sense to her.

----
And for some nativity set memories:
- The Mater monster trucks had fun playing with their long lost nativity friends. (Reminding me of the year that the wisemen showed up at the manger riding on a circus train. The joys of having more than one Little People interchangeable toy set.)
- Some machine guns joined in on the fun.
- Mackenna pretended to have Mary tell Jesus, "stop doing that. I'll give you a correction."

That wonderful man above took our oldest two shopping for me last night. They had a pretty fun jam session in the car on the way there. I'll let him tell the story, hopefully.

A big day

2011-12-11T19:43:00.000-08:00

Today, December 11th, was a pretty big day in the Sharbaugh household. Here are some thoughts and pictures.

- This morning, Jocelyn was publicly dedicated to the Lord, and we publicly committed ourselves to raise her in the way God has commanded us to. She is a real blessing. We know that she is on loan to us from God. He made her, she is his, and he has entrusted her to us to raise for his glory. It is good to be reminded of the truths and recenter my focus.

- It is hard to get a picture of three kids. They love her. We love her. They love being with her. However, pictures turn out better when the darling baby is my only subject.

- I got to hang out with Jocelyn all morning in church. I didn't hear much of either message, but I did get a lot of snuggles. I love her passed out, left arm out limp, head tilted back, dead to the world posture she takes on when she falls asleep cradled in my arms. I know these days of her snoozing with me are fleeting. It was nice to soak those up for a bit.

- She really is a smiler right after she eats. And I think she really likes me.

- The older two darlings had the chance to perform in our church's Christmas Program tonight. They were pretty excited about it. Couldn't wait to wear their Christmas clothes. (Mackenna was very excited to see her friends in their pretty dresses too.)

- I about cried as I watched them walk across the stage to get in place and sing. I just can't believe how big they are. I really wasn't sure if they would sing at all, but they both did. I love the way Mackenna says "glory" while she is singing. Micah didn't take his fingers out of his mouth the whole time, but he was singing if you looked really closely. I was proud of them tonight.

- I totally didn't take my eyes off my kids the whole time they were singing. (Of course I was looking at them through the viewfinder for part of the time, but still at them.) I didn't see any of the darling things that any other cute kid did from our church. I was transfixed by my own little angels. Motherhood is a strange and powerful thing.

- Jocelyn did great through the program. She stayed up front with us the whole time. Her brother and sister need to keep working on learning how to sit still. This is a lesson that we have maybe 20% taught, but I can't figure out how to make it 80% further.

- I walked around with Jocelyn outside tonight. The weather was beautiful - the temperature where you almost don't even feel a temperature. I enjoyed our moments; I sang "Silent Night" to her while I peeked in on my other loves reading "The Grinch." (Singing "Silent Night" to my baby brought to mind a wonderful memory I have of singing that song to my dad as I rode Space Mountain for the first time.)

- This is a beautiful sight to see through my window.

The goose is getting fat

2011-12-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

Here are some more ways that we have been celebrating Christmas's fast approaching.

We made these cute little name snowmen to hang on the door. An easy, fun, even somewhat educational craft. I think we made it through this one with no panic attacks from our daughter. I wrote the letters of their name in pencil and they traced over it with marker. They really enjoyed handing them to me in order to hang on the wall. Mackenna thinks it is pretty cool that she gets to be so tall.

We also did this fairly failed craft:

I saw it on Pinterest. It was a mixture of half glue and half shaving cream - it was supposed to dry puffy. I think it might have worked better if they would have been willing to paint it on think. However, they wanted to smooth it out. She also got really frustrated when she didn't make it perfect. She wants her abilities to be higher than anyone else expects them to be, that is for sure. Needless to say, it looks a little more like a melted Florida snowman than anything else.

Tonight we made salt dough ornaments. We used the recipe from here. It was basically flour, salt, and water mixed and kneaded for quite a while. We did handprints for each of the kids and then they each got to cut out some cookie cutter shapes as well.

They looked like this after they were baked.

Tonight we painted the handprints. The twins painted the white and red parts of Santa. Curt added the faces and lines.

I like the way they turned out. You can see the three year old aspect to the art; I didn't want to take away from that. But the added lines and details make them something the kids will really be excited to have on the tree.

We had also done an extra handprint of Jocelyn, and Curt made this family ornament to celebrate our first Christmas as a family of five.

I love having an artist for a husband!

The best job in the world

2011-12-09T21:13:00.000-08:00

The kids asked where daddy went yesterday. I told them that he went to work. The conversation somehow went to what would happen if I went to work also. I asked them if they would stay home by themselves. That was the end of it - I thought. Today, as Micah and I were taking a trip to Walmart, he turned to me and said, "I think if you and daddy both went to work, someone else would take care of us." I'm so thankful that I had the time to look him right in the eye, touch him, and say, "I'm so thankful that I get to stay home and take care of you. It is the best job in the world. I love being your mommy." I need to tell him more often.

Being their mom really is a blessing - getting to stay home with them is just the icing on the cake.

I get to see things like this:

And this:

And hold things like this:

And hear things like this:
"Thank you for the kiss mommy." (After I had kissed Micah's head while laying down with him during rest time. A nonsolicited thank you.)

And say things like this:
"Don't panic."
"Who has to go potty?"
"Don't pet Jocelyn."

A girl of two extremes

2011-12-06T21:03:00.000-08:00

Is Jocelyn more like Micah or Mackenna?

Well, she looks like Micah in the mouth and chin, for sure. Especially when she is smiling or crying. However, she has a head size that is in a lower percentile than her weight, so that isn't like her brother. There is something different about Jocelyn's eyes than Micah's, but I can't quite figure out what and I'm not sure if it is because they are Mackenna's eyes or if it is something different.

She seems to be like Micah in her introvert/extrovert tendencies. She thrives on people talking to her, making eye contact with her, smiling at her. Mackenna was content to sit in the corner by herself; she still is (as long as she has her books).

However, she does seem to be more like Mackenna when it comes to extremes. She gets really really really angry sometimes. And she is really really happy sometimes. And we are talking ANGRY. Monday she spent most of the day screaming. Who knows if it was pain, general exhaustion, or a combination (we actually considered that she may have a broken bone that's how mad she was). Today, she was happy and content. She napped well (albeit, her afternoon nap was in a swing). She didn't scream. She ate well. Strange.

Here are some things that were the same in both days: She was adorable. She was loved. She slept well at night. That is something that she has been doing fantastically and consistently well with. (She has been sleeping from about 9:30 to 5:30. Blessed little girl.)

Getting back on the wagon

2011-12-06T20:50:00.000-08:00

I have been waiting for a better post - so much to say. But it is probably best to just get some of this stuff out there.

Micah and Mackenna are as wonderful as ever. Mackenna is back to being extra emotional. We have some really really good days - she wakes up in a really great mood sometimes, she loves wearing jewelry, she loves going places, she loves reading new Christmas books. These are the days that I try and soak up to make up for the other days. Micah is mostly even keeled, except when he is running away from me in the grocery store or falling asleep during bedtime stories because he didn't nap.

Here are some things I have heard them say in the last month...

----
Micah: "I love having a baby sister, mommy."

----
Both of them have said this, recently: "I love my baby sister."

----
Micah's standard Jocelyn comment: "She's so little."
Me: "But she's getting bigger, huh."
Micah: "But she's still little."
Good reminder, buddy. The only thing that would have made this cuter is if he would have preceeded this comment by saying one of his now characteristic "well, actually, mommy...."

----
Micah: "I can only see that picture on facebook."

----
Mackenna: "Let's play weebles."
Me: "Why don't you pick up the ponies first and then play weebles?"
Micah: "Okay. Why don't you take this and put away my yogurt and then I'll put away the ponies."

----
(To me, after I successfully switched a transformer), Micah: "You did it mommy. See, you didn't need daddy."

----
Micah: "Just walking along with all my stuff."

----
Micah: "Let's go to the mall. That is one of my favorite places to go."

----
Mackenna: "Mommy, your belly is so big because of all the food you ate."

----
Jocelyn started crying during nap one day. The sound came through the monitor. I was in the middle of something, and I told Mackenna that I was going to get her in just a minute. She went over to the monitor speaker and started talking into it, saying, "It's okay Jocelyn. We're coming soon Jocelyn. It's okay sweetie."

----
Micah, referring to this weird remote thing for a toy: "I'm going to keep all my work in my lunchbox and I'll put my stuff in my backpack."

----
Micah, bringing back a blast from the past with the "when I get bigger comments": "When I get bigger, I can wear a Spiderman costume and get a really big Spiderman monster truck and drive it and not fall."

Mackenna: "When I get bigger I can wear an Ariel princess dress, and I can swim in the sea, and I will marry a human."

----
Micah, to his parents: "But I don't want you to relax."

----
Micah: "I'm tired of swimming, I want to sleep." (Music to mama's ears)

----
It is crazy what they are learning. Micah is really starting to be able to sound out words and say what letter they start with. Of course, we still have some things to learn....

Micah: "C doesn't start with cat. They should have put a different picture on that letter card."

But they definitely think that learning is fun. He does stuff like this on his own...

Micah, eating his m&m's: "1,2,3,4,5" eat one "1,2,3,4" eat one "1,2,3"....

----
When Micah gets in a one on one situation, he talks nonstop. Even in the potty. Like this "conversation" he had with me in a public restroom...

Micah: "I ate my food all gone. Well, there was some left, but it would have taken a long time to eat it all gone. I need a little place, that was a big plate."

I've been told that he also says things like "I'm working on some big poopies" and "there are 5 poopies in there" while with daddy in public restrooms!

----
Mackenna, to me: "Will you think about what you got me for Christmas?"
Me: "Okay, I'm thinking."
Mackenna: "But your hand isn't on your chin."
Me: "What do you want me to get you for Christmas?"
Mackenna: "A princess, a princess dress, or a wheel."

----
Me: "You can give Micah a gift to make him happy."
Mackenna: "And he can give me something to make me happy."

----
Micah: "What is God? What does God look like?"
Mackenna: "God has a mustache and a beard."

Christmas is coming...

2011-12-02T20:28:00.000-08:00

December and Christmas are in full swing around here. The kids are so excited! Christmas books, nativity scenes (sacrilegious role playing and all), and Christmas jammies (when it is "cold" enough to wear them).

We have started our advent countdown activities too.

We made nativity scenes, based on an idea from here. Curt cut out the pieces and the kids picked where they would go on the page and did most the gluing. (If I were to do this again, I would hot glue the candy canes on before we began. The Elmer's glue made the candy canes kind of dissolve.)

We also made this handprint Christmas tree from here. Micah and Mackenna contributed on the tree, and Jocelyn created the footprint tree trunk and handprint star. Budding little artist.

More to come...

(And probably some pictures of our decorated house...with my new camera!)

Big News for Miss Jocelyn

2011-11-30T12:40:00.000-08:00

1. She met Santa Claus.
2. She weighs 11 pounds 11 ounces (in the 11th month of the year 2011, 11/29/11 to be exact).
3. She slept through the night for the first time last night - 9:30 PM to 6:30 AM. Wowzers.

Another month to be thankful for

2011-11-24T08:04:00.000-08:00

Dearest Jocelyn,

I am a few days late writing your two month letter. It is actually the 24th of November, Thanksgiving Day. I'm kind of glad that I am writing it today, because I am so so very thankful for you. In fact, I am fighting the urge right now to go get you out of bed so I can get in some Jocelyn snuzzles on this early Thanksgiving morning. However, you are sleeping, and I will choose to let you sleep and write this instead. I can't wait for you to wake up and give me a big, happy, sleeping well at night smile though. Yes, that is right, you are sleeping well at night. And, yes, that is right, you are full of smiles recently. You really are turning into a happy baby. I used to feel bad when people would ask me if you were a "good baby." I never knew how to answer that. I was so thankful for you and in love with you, and choosing to focus on all your many positives and our blessings, but you weren't really a good baby in the way they were asking the question. You were a blessing baby, a loved baby, a snuggled baby, a healthy baby, but not really a happy baby. For whatever reason, whether it is my diet change, the acid reflux medicine, or you sleeping more, you are much much more content, happier, and I would now call you a "good baby" in every sense of the word.

(Your sweet big sister just joined me in the chair. She loves you so very much. There are many times when I tell her to go do something and she responds, "but I'm talking to Jocelyn." For that matter, you are much less bothered by your siblings in general. You have locked eyes with Micah, following him across the room, flashing a big smile his direction. When they are continually in your face, you don't seem frustrated. You are fitting in quite well with the chaos of the family.)

You seem to like your parents too. You are starting to talk with daddy a lot. You love to make noises back and forth with him; he loves it too. You still like to be held out in daddy's arms, facing his body, being bounced. You are getting bigger though and aren't fitting in his arms quite as well. You will stretch out sometimes with your legs and almost jump out of this position. I'm pretty happy too, because you seem to really like me. I can usually calm you down if you are fussy - you like your bottom patted if you are held in a cradle position and you like your back patted if you are held upright on my shoulder. You also like to lay across my arm facing down and out. In general, you like to be with your mama and your daddy. We like being with you too.

You still like to "run run run" while mama moves your legs. You are interested in your two favorite toys - the Baby Einstein sound and lights gym and your Tiny Love mobile (two amazing purchases). There are many times after eating that you are content to lay and play looking at "nothing," but when this happy contentment wears off, your toys will occupy you a little longer.

You usually go to bed between 8:30 and 10 and will usually sleep until 3:30 or 4:30 before waking up to eat. Then you usually eat again around 6:00ish and sleep again until about 8:00. You are going to be one very clean baby as your sleeping got drastically better and has stayed great ever since we started bathing you nightly. During the day, you generally eat, then are awake for about an hour or more, then you sleep for about an hour and a half before you wake and eat again. You like to sleep on your belly during the day. You seem to be a sound machine addict. This addiction was starting before, but sleeping with a humidifier pretty much clinched this deal. Your eyes start to close as soon as you hear that noise. You sometimes will fuss yourself to sleep within five minutes or so - which is good, because that is pretty much as long as your mama is willing to let you cry right now. I'm okay with "spoiling" you right now. You are my baby. We love you; we are so thankful for you, sweet Jocelyn Raeanne.

Love,
Your Mama

Season of Gratitude

2011-11-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

Micah gave me a good little reminder today during this season of thanks. We are preparing to have some people over for our second annual Pie Night tonight. A chance to get to know some new faces and to reflect on how we have been blessed in this past year - and to enjoy some pie! We rearranged some stuff in the house to accomodate the number of adults and children that will be coming. I was telling the kids that they would play in their room with their friends tonight (not the living room). Micah responded by saying something about how that is because our house is so big, we have room for all of our stuff, and we have all we need.

So so so very true. We have all we need - and so very much more.

Some random Friday thoughts...

2011-11-18T12:59:00.000-08:00

- Someone ate "Tasties" in my bed today. Great. What are tasties, you ask? Mini Chocolate Frosted Mini Wheats. Not exactly "mom and dad's bed" kind of food.

- Mackenna peed on the sidewalk outside today. I was actually excited about this. I don't think this says great things about my state of mind.

I had just come around the corner from getting Micah dressed in his room. I realized the front door was open and Mackenna was gone. I was getting ready to talk to her about not leaving the house without me. I then heard her say "mom, I'm peeing" (three words that send chills down my spine). When I saw the puddle, I decided that I was thankful she had left the house and was only peeing on the sidewalk, not someplace where I had to clean!

- The kids were singing the Cubbies theme song in the backseat. They were talking about the fact that God loves them. Micah added, "God loves Jocelyn, too." Yes He does buddy. We are so thankful for that.

- Here is a mothering tip I have learned. If your kids aren't good at waking up from nap, I have learned some magic words that will help. Just say, "hey buddy, you ready for a piece of candy. There's some waiting for you in the other room." Yup, works everytime. And yup, I am an awesome mother.

Getting ready for a playdate

2011-11-18T12:49:00.000-08:00

While we were waiting and getting ready to go over to a friend's house today, this is what I heard (in addition to the whining)...

---

Mackenna: "When are we going to Elliana's?"

Me: "After Jocelyn wakes up"

Later...

Mackenna: "When are we going to get Miss Jocelyn up?"

---

(Talking about Elliana's family) Mackenna: "Miss Rachel is Elliana's best mommy. Mr. Ryan is Elliana's best daddy."

Me: "Who is your best mommy?"

Mackenna: "Mama"

---

Mackenna: "Elliana is my best friend."

Me: "You know, Miss Rachel is my friend too."

Mackenna: "Do you play with her?"

Me: "Well, we like to talk and shop and drink coffee. That is what grown ups do with their friends."

Mackenna: "Oh."

---

Mackenna, pretend reading the birthday card that I had just written for Rachel, in her high-pitched "reading" voice: "I love you Miss Rachel."

---

Me: "We need to do ___ and ____ before we go to Miss Rachel's."

Mackenna, correcting me: "You mean to Miss Elliana's."

Advent Activities

2011-11-18T12:32:00.000-08:00

Here are some of my favorite Christmas countdown activity ideas that I've found on Pinterest thus far. My goal is to make my schedule and get all the supplies while it is still November, so that December can actually be fun.

This wreath can hold Christmas cards, or you could use 25 clothespins and use it to hold your countdown numbers and ideas. We might do this for a family activity and then keep it or give as a gift.

Source: gwennypenny.com via Laura on Pinterest

These cute reindeer cups could be made and then filled with popcorn for a ride on the "Minivan Express" - looking at Christmas lights.

Source: confessionsofahomeschooler.com via Laura on Pinterest

Love this artwork. I'm going to use the art we make this month to fill the existing picture frames on our walls (making sure paper is the right size and orientation before we start). Then I can pull it out each year and make my walls festive!

Source: ucreatewithkids.com via Laura on Pinterest

So Cute!

Source: creativeholidaygiftideas.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

Source: mydeliciousambiguity.com via Laura on Pinterest

Preschool Letter Matching Activity

Source: 1plus1plus1equals1.com via Laura on Pinterest

Patterning Activity with a "J is for Jesus"

Source: 1plus1plus1equals1.com via Laura on Pinterest

Edible Christmas Tree

Source: squidoo.com via Laura on Pinterest

Santa Hand Ornament - there are other links on Pinterest for a salt dough to be used with this

Source: clayfulimpressions.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

Printable Nativity Scene - another link on Pinterest talks about making this magnetic for use on a cookie sheet or a fridge

Source: makingfriends.com via Laura on Pinterest

Coloring Activity

Source: catholicicing.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

Source: happyhomefairy.com via Laura on Pinterest

Source: fullofgreatideas.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

Source: marcheseclowns.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

And here is a list of general activities that I compiled a few years ago.

Play a game together as a family, the winner gets to put the angel/star on the Christmas tree
Decorate the Christmas tree together
Each person gets to write a wish list of Christmas presents they would like to receive
Drink hot chocolate with marshmallows while listening to Christmas music
Make Cut-out Christmas Cookies
Decorate Cookies from yesterday
Take a plateful of the cookies to someone in your church or neighborhood
Read the Christmas story from Luke
Read Mary's Song of Praise in Luke 1 - the Magnificat
Learn the words to a Christmas carol
Call a grandparent and sing a Christmas carol
Read a Christmas story by the Christmas tree
Camp out under the Christmas tree
String some popcorn or other homemade garland
Make homemade wrapping paper
Address the Christmas cards together - the kids can write notes to stick in or color pictures
Go see a Christmas concert or play
Make a homemade Christmas card for the grandparents
Buy a Christmas gift for a less fortunate child
Go to the dollar store and buy something for your sibling
Cut out snowflakes
Make an ornament - make sure and date it!
Make a gingerbread house out of graham crackers (and a milk carton)
Take goofy pictures by the Christmas tree
Act out the Christmas story
Make red and green pancakes for breakfast
Watch a Christmas movie together as a family - don't forget popcorn!
Wrap Christmas presents
Record a video clip of everyone in your family singing a Christmas song
Play Christmas pictionary
Make a Christmas craft
Make some kind of munchie snack that the kids can help with - puppy chow, peanut butter balls, no bake cookies, etc.
Come up with a list of Christmas things for every letter in the alphabet
Go drive and look at lights
Have a contest to see who can find the most snowmen (or other Christmas item) throughout the day

Now to pick the 25 for this year....

She is such a sweetie

2011-11-15T06:36:00.000-08:00

Me: Mackenna, Daddy is Grandma's kid.
Mackenna: No, he's a daddy.
Me: Yes, kids grow up into daddys.
Grandma: And daddys grow up into grandpas.
Grandpa: And grandpas get old and decrepit.
Mackenna: Like you, Grandpa?

And Later,
Me: Mackenna, who is decrepit?
Mackenna (without any hesitation): Grandpa!!

From the Micah Man

2011-11-15T06:29:00.000-08:00

After the Awana Grand Prix:
Me: Micah, did your car go fast or slow?
Micah: Well, it was fast when it was going and slow when it was not.

At Crispers with Grandma and Grandpa for lunch:
Micah (about the salt): Can I put some of this on my cheese pizza to make it yummier?

About their little bears from the "You're All My Favorites" book:
Me: Why can't Jocelyn have the little yellow bear?
Micah: Well, Jocelyn doesn't like yellow. But I do like yellow.

An Ordinary Day

2011-11-10T17:48:00.000-08:00

Here is my 10 on 10 kind of day.

Curt did some multi-tasking before leaving for work.

Jocelyn really enjoyed some time in her crib with her mobile. This photo was taken probably 20 minutes after she first was placed in the crib. (That is what happens when you sleep well at night. You are happy in the morning.)

Mackenna shows off her now marshmallow free Lucky Charms. I am a bad mother, I know.

I like to drink OJ in a coffee mug. Everything tastes better from a coffee mug. Try it.

This one doesn't need a caption.

Mackenna's face shows that she spent just as much time crying in the chair behind her as she did on the floor doing puzzles.

I spent some time nursing the baby.

I survived a trip to the "cookie store" with three kids. I also survived a "mommy, I have to go potty" moment.

Daddy came home for lunch and to unload the groceries. Hallelujiah.

Micah learned that he could build this truck and put the wheels on all by himself!

To see what other people have come up with on this 10th of the month, visit here.

Micah's bad word

2011-11-09T21:04:00.000-08:00

The kids came home after AWANA tonight, and I asked them what they had done. Micah told me that he had "hit" Reese.

Me: "You hit her?"
Micah: "No, I hissed at her. She wouldn't let me through, so I went 'hhhhhhhhhh' at her."

Curt came in then and told me how he had found this out. They were in the van heading home, and he had asked them what they did in Cubbies. Most of what they told him revolved around the playground.

Micah: "Somebody wouldn't let me up the hill, so I said I bad word."
Curt, extremely perplexed: "What did you say?"
Micah: "I said 'hhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you will not do that.' (in his best, deepest cat voice)

It all made sense to Curt now. As previously mentioned, we have a cat that says bad things/words.

Curt: "Don't hiss at people."

Think they're related?

2011-11-09T08:10:00.000-08:00

Clockwise from Top Left -
Jocelyn at 7 weeks
Micah at almost 2 months
Jocelyn again (same picture)
Mackenna at 6 and a half months

Alternate title for this post probably could be, "Still think Jocelyn looks like her sister??"

Turning a Corner?

2011-11-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

Quick update on life with Jocelyn. First of all, she is 7 weeks old and is hanging right in there at the 50th percentile, weighing in at 10 pounds 5.5 ounces. It seems like a crazy amount of weight gain for me, but she isn't growing in the percentiles, just maintaining. Crazy that that amount of chub is required to just be "average."

We are still doing Zantac doses with her; we think they are helping. Also, I have cut most obvious dairy out of my diet; started on November 1st. I don't read labels of baked goods, but other than that I am avoiding dairy. Again, it seems to be helping, but it really is just a giant guessing game.

Nighttime is going better. We had just been pretty laid back about any form of nighttime routine. She would hang out in the living room with her daddy and I until her late night feeding. I didn't mind this, but it really wasn't working well. She wasn't getting the "night memo." After all of her night feedings (which haven't stretched out past three or four hours apart), she would expect wake time like she usually had during the day. It is difficult to love and appreciate a wide awake baby at 3 am. So for about the last 6 nights, we have been purposefully trying to create a nighttime aura around our house.

Either while or just after the twins go to bed, so sometime between 8 and 9, Jocelyn gets a bath (we have started using her baby bathtub in the kitchen sink). She then gets lubed up with baby oil and put into her jammies back in our room (on my antique dresser turned changing table). The lights get turned down, and I nurse her. While nursing, I play a lullaby pandora station on my phone. After nursing, I will rock her for a bit, singing our traditional trio of songs (Jesus Loves Me, Oh How He Loves You and Me, and Oh How I Love Jocelyn) and praying for her (usually working her name tribute into the prayer - finding her joy in the Lord and joyfully giving thanks to the Father for his work in her life). She is usually awake still at this point, but hopefully relaxed. We then swaddle her and lay her in her pack-n-play bassinet, either in our bedroom, the bathroom, or the darkened living room (depending on where we need to be for the next few hours). We do have sound on for her - either her white noise machine or the humidifier (she caught the kids' cold - bummer). I would say that of the 6 nights we have done this, she has probably put herself to sleep with no extra rocking or bouncing for 3 of the nights. This is progress for us. The greater progress has come in the fact that after her nighttime feedings, she has gone back to sleep after being laid down for probably 80% of them - major hallelujiah. (Her first night of 100% going back to sleep after feedings came Sunday night - the night that she was the sickest with her cough - weird and precious child.)

I would say she is waking up happier in the morning and has generally been less fussy (even though she is wheezing and sick). Not sure if this is the medicine, diet, or sleep routine, but we'll take it.

So, for a variety of reasons, we still aren't on a "schedule" - but our current "normal" looks something like this: Feeding every 3ish hours during the day (sometimes less), with about an hour of wake time and then two hours of nap (on belly...shhh....in her bassinet), "bedtime" around 9, feedings around 12, 3, 6, 9 AM.

Oh, and she may be warming up to the idea of having siblings.

Grown up conversations with my oldest daughter

2011-11-09T07:30:00.000-08:00

Curt and I were able to go on a date on Monday night, with our favorite little sidekick, Miss J. Before we left, Mackenna asked us why we were going.

Me: "We are going to on a date because we love each other."

M: "You love each other because you got married?"

That comment made me smile, but it also made me think. I obviously love Curt for more reasons than just because "I married him." But I can think of many worse lessons for my daughter to learn in her life than to love her husband because they got married. It would say a lot for the commitment and permanence. Although, I do plan on showing her a true, growing, committed, passionate, appreciative love that I have for my wonderful husband (who let me sleep in this morning to try and fight off this cold going around our house).

----

When I got home, I went to check on the kids. Mackenna was wide awake and asked me where I went.

Me: "I went to dinner."

M: "Was it fun?"

Me: "Yes"

M: "What did you eat?"

Me: "A chicken sandwich"

M: "Oh yummy." (Smelling my stomach) "I can smell it in your belly."

Right back at you, sweetie

2011-11-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

Mom - After breakfast we are going to do some chores.
Mackenna - What chores are we going to do?
Mom - Cleaning up the house.
Mack - But I don't want to do that kind of chore.

Halloween Hearings

2011-11-08T19:38:00.000-08:00

Trick or Treating with my kids was SOOO much fun this year. Here are a few things we heard throughout the day and along the way.

Mackenna: "Is it trick or treat now?" and "Where is trick or treat?"

Micah (as it was starting to get dark during trick or treat): "It's going to be our bedtime soon."

At one house, a man told the kids to take at least three pieces of candy. My friend Rachel told her daughter that it was because she was three years old. At the next house her daughter told the lady that she got three because she was three. Hahaha.

After it was over, we told Mackenna we were going to stop by Aunt Marcia and Uncle Bruce's house. She responded by saying, "Trick or Treating again!!??"

I asked the kids some questions during the day.
"What is your favorite part of Halloween?"
- Dressing up
- Eating candy

"Do you need to be scared of anything we see tonight?"
- No, just go hold mommy's hand and tell her about it
"Why shouldn't we be scared?"
- Because it's not real

Micah: "When is it going to be Halloween again?"
Me: "Next year."
Both: "We get to have Halloween again next year!!"

Mackenna: "Is it Easter yet?"

Oh, sweet girl. Good thing your daddy loves you.

2011-11-08T19:19:00.000-08:00

Otherwise, he would probably have puked during this conversation...

Curt and Mackenna were sitting with Baby Jocelyn and Mackenna left (read: Jocelyn stopped getting smothered by Mackenna.)
Curt: "Mackenna, are you going potty?" (She was hiding behind the chair, and we have been having issues with this recently.)
Mackenna: "No"
(Mackenna comes out chewing on something.)
Curt: "What are you eating?"
(She does her famous shoulders shrugged, head tilted thing.)
Mackenna: "I can't explain it...I don't remember what its called, but it's from my nose."
(Curt tries not to laugh.)
Curt: "Don't do that."
Mackenna: "But I do it all the time."
(Curt now tries not to puke.)

It happens to the best of us, buddy

2011-11-08T19:10:00.000-08:00

I guess it isn't just the old folks.

Micah, on his way out of the room where only I was: "I'm going to go potty. I'll be right back Mackenna. I mean, I'll be right back Micah. I mean, I'll be right back Mommy."

My munchkins crack me up

2011-11-08T19:07:00.000-08:00

Micah, in the van the other day: "I'm having trouble getting my sock on my hand."

Mackenna, on her way to the doctor: "My nose has sniffs."

Micah, an actual but typical conversation with his sister: "If you will play dinosaurs, I will be happy, but right now I am not. If you don't play with me, I will not play dinosaurs. I will not play anything."
Mackenna: "I'll play dinosaurs."
Micah: "Okay, you can be the mom."

Micah, about his knight helmet from a garage sale: "Oh no, my helmet is cracking. Maybe I wore it too hard."

Things said by both of them, showing they are learning letters, but obviously still have room for growth:
"Ru Ru Ring....Mom, can you tell me what letter starts with Ru?"
"Hey, B starts with Butterfly."

Micah: "We are going to go have quesadillas? Oh, are we going to Chipotle?"

Mackenna: "You are not an old lady mama."
Micah: "You are not a lady mommy."

Micah, while playing talking cars: "All the bad cars live with the sheriff."

Mackenna: "Mommy, what did you get from the doctor?"
Me: "Nothing."
Mackenna: "Did you get a sticker?"

Micah, about our first family game night: "Chutes and Ladders AND Popcorn!!??"

Micah, after dad let him climb in our bed at 6:15 AM (stupid time change): "I love you daddy."

Mackenna, to Curt, about some bent horseshoes: "No, you didn't bend those daddy. A big, strong man did."

(What happens when you go for a drive around 5:30 PM on a day when no one took naps.)

Easy Halloween Activity - No Carve Jack-o-Lanterns

2011-10-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

I saw this idea in Family Fun, and I loved it. For one, pumpkins are kind of expensive. You just spend money on them, cut them up, let them rot, etc. Glass jars are free. Also, carving pumpkins is still kind of above my kids. And also, my kids love to paint things. This was a winner in my book.

First, we had the kids draw their jack-o-lantern faces on a piece of paper. (Actually, this didn't go as planned. I made the mistake of showing them a few pumpkins online first. They then decided that they wanted exactly the faces they saw in the pictures - a sad one and a mean one - they refused to draw something cute and three-year-old-ish.) Curt then took the images and cut out the pieces of masking tape and put them on the jars.

The kids then added orange paint. No neatness required. We did about three coats. I didn't think this was necessary and only did two coats on my jar. The jars with the three coats definitely have better contrast when finished and lit.

After the paint is dry, peel off the masking tape to reveal your jack-o-lantern face. We found it was helpful, but not completely necessary, to score around the edges of tape with a razor blade before peeling off the tape. Glass is somewhat forgiving, and if excess paint happened to get under the tape, you can just scrape it off.

We used tealights to light our jack-o-lantern family.

Micah's "mean" Jack.

Mackenna's "sad" Jack.

Don't they look like us?

Halloween 2011

Curt - Laura - Micah - Mackenna - Jocelyn

(At least Jocelyn's looks like her!)

Beauty Shop - aka - Girl Bonding

2011-10-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

Hair was Done.

Little girl was able to participate.

"Hair" was combed. (A baby mohawk was unable to be captured on camera, but they are Beautician Mackenna's speciality.)

Hair was curled. Maybe I should say "hairs" were curled.

A peek at Jocelyn's new look.

"No, really, sister, I don't think you are looking closely. Let me help you look closer."

Nails were painted.

A good time was had by all of my girls, including me.

Oh, the nap

2011-10-28T11:09:00.000-07:00

Everyone is currently quiet in my house. All I hear is white noise through the monitor, and dishes calling my name.

As you can see in the picture, Micah clearly took a nap yesterday, waking up much slower than his happy sister.

Before rest time, we were discussing what it does and does not mean to "be quiet" during rest time. Mackenna told us that she had a hard time sleeping because Wall-E comes in and asks her for help during naptime. She also, a few weeks ago, told me that she heard the sound of a wolf blowing down a pig's house on Nana's street, and that kept her up. Micah told me that he can't sleep because the dark bugs (the ones that are only there if all the lights are off) keep him awake.

At least they are imaginative...and quiet right now.

Water beard

2011-10-28T10:04:00.001-07:00

If you drink like this, you'll get a water beard.
- Miss Mackenna

On second thought.

2011-10-27T14:48:00.000-07:00

A little while earlier, I posted this picture and caption on facebook.

"I guess I'll keep both of them."

Don't worry, the sentiment still applies for the cute, three year old in the picture. However, I just heard this statement from my son, "Dad, there is throw up in the house. We don't need throw up in the house. We only need throw up in the garage."

I am rethinking the "both" of them part of the caption.

One month really changes one's perspective

2011-10-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

Six weeks ago, I would have felt "bad" leaving Curt with Micah and Mackenna for almost six days. I would have thought that was a lot of work for one person. Now, I found myself thinking, "two kids? two kids who sleep all night? that is nothing." I thought the same thing for myself, "one kid? one kid who doesn't whine or talk back or disobey? that is nothing." I can handle one kid. I can handle two kids. I am really still in a learning process of how to handle three kids. (Well, three kids and only one parent. When two parents/adults are around, that is a different story!)

I was very overwhelmed last night, thinking about all that needed to be done and how tired I was/am. It is true, not sleeping for more than 2.5 to 3.5 hours at a time for 5 weeks really does wear on you. Curt encouraged me to go to bed. He then told me that you never know, "maybe tonight is the night." He said that needs to be my new attitude. That made me laugh.

Just when I was overwhelmed, God blessed me with another visit from Marcia today. She called at just the perfect time, and she came down and spent some late morning/early afternoon time with me. She made lunch for the twins while I fed Jocelyn. I was able to make the kids the smoothies they had been asking for. She played with them while I was able to fold and put away the laundry and make it so I can walk through my bedroom again - some of the things that were so overwhelming to me last night. What a blessing.

I didn't realize how much I had gotten used to having "me time" when the kids went to bed around 8:00. Time to regroup, clean, do a project, watch TV, catch up on internet. Now that that "me time" is more "we time" with the J girl and myself, I feel a little out of control. Things that I thought would be "no big deal" (like making super easy Halloween costumes), really are a big deal. The toys don't get picked up, the dishes stay in the sink, the bedrooms explode. I know this is okay, but it really can be overwhelming to feel so bad at everything. I am good at handling one thing at a time, but that isn't how life goes, somehow you are supposed to figure out how to do lots of things at a time and not fall off the bicycle you are riding while doing those lots of things. Maybe I need to put on some training wheels.

So, yes, motherhood is hard. I have found myself saying "this is hard" a lot. Not sleeping is hard. Having three kids is hard. One day - one minute - at a time.

(Why am I writing this down instead of sleeping? Because I find myself in a pure panic when I think about how poorly my brain is working and how I am going to forget these precious days. I am going to go take a peaceful nap now, and I am going to work on keeping writing things down. All things in moderation.)

Things I learned in Indiana

2011-10-27T11:42:00.000-07:00

Funeral thoughts are a separate matter, but here are some thoughts from the remainder of our visit.

Grandma Snyder told me that when dad was 5 weeks old she took him out for the first time to visit her Grandma Miller (her dad's mom). She called dad "Snookems" all throughout the visit. J needs a nickname. I like it. We're going try and make a go of it.

Grandma's great grandma, her mom's grandma, Grandma Dudley, made 7 trips back and forth across the Atlantic Ocean to Wales, visiting family and friends, while directing the clearing of their land here in Indiana. She said that in the family, if anyone was ever "doing something," you were said to be being just like Grandma Dudley. She was a great cook and often had large family dinners. So large that they had to make oyster soup in a giant boiler pot (used to wash clothes).

Grandma Sharbaugh says that Jocelyn looks like "one of her babies." Specifically, one of her boys. When my babies are little, it is so fun that the Sharbaughs stay up so late. It was no problem at all for Teri to hold J for a little bit and while I took a late night nap upstairs.

Nean and Pappy were high school sweethearts. As far as Dana knows, the only person either one of them had ever dated. They have been married for over 60 years. Not bad.

I also learned that a car seat makes a really great bed for a semi-fussy baby.

Disjointed thoughts

2011-10-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

- My favorite quote from "The Help" so far is this..."Those bedrooms should be stacked full of kids laughing and hollering and pooping up the place." Who knew that we were doing it right the whole time!?

- I said to Micah today, "Micah, you can't tell Mackenna how to play. She is free to pretend however she wants to." Marcia was here and chimed in, "if you had a dime for every time you said that, you would be rich." She is right. Micah is controlling and definitely his sister's leader. This is an ongoing "issue" for us. Yesterday he said something like, "Mackenna, I am sad, but if we left the barn closed, I would be happy." We then worked out a compromise where we left the barn closed, but Mackenna got to play with all the pigs, even the brown pig. A minute later, Micah asked for the brown pig. When she didn't give it to him, he went off sulking in the other room. Mackenna so desperately wanted to play with him that she went and found him and gave him the brown pig. And today there was another comment about, "Mackenna, I would be happy if you would pretend to be a snake, but if you pretend to be a princess, I will be sad." Oh dear.

- Micah has really hooked onto the phrase "take a pause." Yesterday he asked me to take a pause from eating pizza and get him some water.

- When I asked Micah at dinner to look at my eyes, he started looking awkwardly at anything but my eyes - his pizza, his feet, the ceiling. If it wasn't so frustrating and tiring, it would be really cute!

- The twins got their MMR shot yesterday. The nurse asked which one wanted to go first, Mackenna said "me me" and hopped up on the table, didn't even want to sit in my lap. She didn't make one single noise before, during, or after the shot. Micah did the same thing. The nurse was shell shocked. I was very thankful.

- I think Jocelyn would like to be an only child. She doesn't sleep very deeply and the kids wake her up a lot. (Sometimes on purpose, like when they opened the door to my room, went in, and started touching her head in the bassinet. Sometimes just because they have no idea what an inside voice is.) This makes her fairly cranky. And she is 50/50 on the issue of whether she would like them in her face all. the. time.

- As far as sleep goes for Jocelyn, things are looking up. She took a really great afternoon nap yesterday and morning nap today, both in her bassinet. I have been using the sound machine, and it does really seem to help her fitful sleeping. She still stirs frequently, but doesn't fully wake up and dozes quickly back off to sleep. I also have been pleasantly surprised by her new ability to sometimes "put herself to sleep." She really wasn't doing this at all last week. Last night after she ate around 2 am, she was wide awake. She wouldn't eat any more, and Curt and I were really tired. He put her back in her bassinet, left the light partly on, and she eventually went to sleep. Yup, you heard that right; he left the light on. For some reason, if she is laid down awake, she is much more calm about it if it isn't dark. She really seems to want the light to be on. Weird. This morning after some wake time, she was starting to get fussy. I tried rocking her for a bit, but she wouldn't give in to sleep. I laid her in her bassinet, and she quickly dozed off. Yippee. She still isn't giving me any majorly long stretches at night (not giving me one long first stretch with shorter following stretches), but she is starting to go closer to four hours between nighttime feedings. Also, since I have been home, she hasn't had any long periods of just crying/screaming/awake/needing rocked/walked/etc at night.

- As far as sleep goes for Micah and Mackenna, we may be near the end of nap. I am hoping that this weekend, Curt and I can work on what it means to stay in bed and stay quiet, even if they don't fall asleep.

- At the risk of having cps called on me, here is a story from Monday. I'll preface it by saying that Jocelyn has since had her one month check up and is doing fine. I look up from the couch and see Mackenna carrying a "doll." I don't think much of it until a split second later when Curt comes running in and says, "Mackenna, what are you doing." Yup, the doll was Jocelyn. Mackenna told us that she had been crying and she wanted to bring her to us. Oh my. Oh my.

One month (five week) check up

2011-10-26T13:37:00.001-07:00

Stats:
9 lbs 9.5 oz (50th percentile, gained 28 oz in 21 days)
21.5 inches (50th again)
36.9 cm (50th)
Doctor resisted calling her average. She sure is above average on the special scale.
Mackenna wants to write her name:
M, aacwmk9olpue x x4ty78pox4ty78po

Jocelyn has fussy moments. But, I really was chalking it up to "being a baby" and trying to just roll with it. It doesn't seem to be consistent, perpetual, or predictable, so I really didn't think it was a GI issue. So, I was a little surprised when the doctor went ahead and suggested doing Zantac with her. I know there are many thoughts on this; I have many too. I decided to give it a try for a few days and see if it helps. We started last night. My thoughts so far:

- It is hard to give an infant medicine.
- She has been a dream today. Coincidence? Helping? Who knows.

The many of faces of one-month-old Jocelyn

2011-10-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

(Pictures of our 1 month old, taken with my phone's camera, at Nana's house in Indiana)

Dear Jocelyn,

You were one month old yesterday. You had quite the day. First of all, you were one thousand miles from home, in mama's hometown in Indiana. Also, you got to spend time with two of your Great Grandmas. You were a little fussy for Great Grandma Snyder, but she still said "she's so sweet" again and again. You fell asleep in your carseat leaving Grandma Snyder's and snoozed during the very short ride to Nean and Pappy's. You weren't overly thrilled when I tried to get you out of your carseat and give you to Nean, but she had the magic touch and managed to calm you down again. We had a nice visit.

(Not sure what happened to the rest of this post, I will attempt to recreate it later.)

Okay, I'm back. It is now the 24th of October, just a few days late. As I look back over the past month, I am struck with both the "how has it already been a month" and the "how has it only been a month" feelings. Definitely a month I am thankful for, and here are some things that stand out.

For a little girl who lives 1000 miles from your family, you have actually gotten to meet a lot of your family. Nana was able to come visit and so was Aunt Christa. Uncle John, Aunt Marissa, Uncle Evan, and Aunt Bri were able to spend a few days with us in Florida too. Then, in Indiana, you were able to meet Papa, Allison, Grandma, Grandpa, and all of the Youngs and Roses. (Of course the Great Grandparents too, but those were mentioned above!) You have been loved and adored by all who have been able to meet you. Everyone comments how precious, sweet, beautiful you are. You frequently get called a little doll by strangers and family alike. Aunt Julie and Uncle Bronson both mentioned how they couldn't help but notice how cute you were when they saw the first picture after birth.

I am figuring out some of the things that you like, and I think this is making you somewhat happier. You have always been a fairly alert baby, and you are getting more and more so. Your awake time is getting less painful for all of us. One night I was able to calm you down by moving my hand down from the air to your belly, saying "boop, boop, boop, babababababoop." You seemed to like this. You also seem to like having your legs moved in a "running" motion while on my lap. Tonight I sang a "do run run run, a do run run" to you while I did this. Sometimes you like laying with your tummy across my arm, facing down or outwards. You do like being rocked, swayed, patted, and bounced. You like these things a lot. Rocking in a rocking chair is becoming a big favorite of yours, and patting your back while rocking just sweetens the deal. You like being held out from the body, facing the person who is holding you. You especially like this if the person will bounce you while holding you this way. Grandma Emens would have been proud; you definitely approve of the "bottom pat" method of child calming. You love movement - either in your carseat or your stroller. Pretty much a car ride guarantees a great nap. If you are fussy or tired, jostling you is the way to fix it. I am beginning to think we may have doomed ourselves by naming you "Jocelyn" - both with your behavior in and out of the womb - but we'll cling to the fact that you also have provided us with much joy and we'll allow that to redeem the name.

Speaking of joy, you seem to be smiling on purpose. I realize this is early, and who knows if it is "real" or not, but it is defiinitely becoming more frequent. You gave dad a smile before we left for Indiana, you smiled really big at Mike Emens and I during Grandma Emen's funeral, you smiled at both Nana and Grandma during the trip, and you also smiled for Grandma Snyder. Dad was able to receive a welcome smile when we returned from our trip today. Hopefully this is a sign of more and more happiness to come. We hope you like us.

I love to kiss your cheeks. They are so soft. I love love love to rub my cheeks against yours and soak up your newness and your softness. Papa commented as he rubbed your head that you seem to like these touches as much as we do; it really calmed you down. Your "brand new" softness is fading, but it is being replaced by a squishy chubbiness that also makes me happy. In addition to the cheeks, you are beginning to work on an impressive set of chins.

If the cheeks and chins aren't enough of an indication, by all other accounts you seem to be off on a great track with nursing. You are gaining, peeing, pooping, gulping, and doing all the other things that a good eater should do. I am very thankful for this. Sometimes you refuse to eat from the second side, but, in general, you seem satisfied in those times. You still have some "in pain" moments during nursing, but maybe things are getting better. I am thinking that it is gas pains - not acid reflux or milk intolerance.

You have taken a pacifier some. You got it for the first time while Aunt Christa was here, and it seemed to coincide with your initial "pull away from me in pain and refuse to latch on" period. You quickly lost the pacifier privilege. However, things have gotten better with that, and I did let you have the pacifier more on our trip to Indiana. You did find your thumb a few times in this first month of life. We'll see how all of that ends up.

You aren't a great sleeper, at least you aren't great at putting yourself to sleep. As I mentioned before, you would prefer us to bounce, walk, pat, or rock you to sleep, or you would prefer a quick car trip to lull yourself off to dreamland. Once asleep, you will stay asleep okay, but you aren't currently stretching out your nighttime feedings yet. You eat every 2.5 to 3 hours, pretty much day and night. This is fine with me, but I would prefer that you realize the glories of nighttime sleep and stop having awake periods during the night. Probably 5 of 7 nights, you refuse to go back to sleep after one of your night feedings, and you stay awake to party instead. You will be fairly content if you are held, but not so much if we try to encourage you to take the party back to your bed. You also have a tendency to sleep for long segments during the day and then be awake for long segments, not the eat, wake, sleep cycle that "they" say you should.

Your brother and sister love you, even if they express this by touching your head a lot, picking you up and carrying you to me because "you're crying," or just repeatedly saying "she's so little." Most of the time, you love them. However, it does seem like having them constantly in your face, especially if you are already on edge, can really drive you nuts. We are still working on how to live in harmony as a family of five.

You did great on both plane rides to and from Indiana. You didn't sleep the whole time, but you didn't cry the whole time. A passenger in the row behind us didn't even know you were there. Thank you. Thank you for joining our family. Thank you for making us the "Sharbaugh Five." We are enjoying getting to know you. You have a wonderful daddy, and his wonderful support is part of the reason that I'm as upbeat as I am as I type this. I hope you will think you have a wonderful mommy too. You do have a mommy, at least, that loves you very very much, and will continue telling you that as long as I am able.

Happy First Month,
Love,
Mama

Grandma E

2011-10-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

My Grandma Emens passed away this weekend, my mother's mother.

I don't have a lot to say about this right now, but before I get on a plane tomorrow with my four week old baby to go celebrate her life, I wanted to record a few thoughts. These are the things that initially stand out to me from my grandchild perspective, obviously different from a peer relationship, but special nonetheless.

- Grandma was great with babies. She was very natural with them, would hold them on her lap and just pat their bottom as she talked to you. She would make faces at them and was very unruffled when they would cry. She didn't panic or make you feel bad; she just kept patting and talking to them, and things got better.

- Grandma was down to earth, but valued her family greatly. I missed my Grandpa's funeral, and my sister did too, because he passed away when the twins were first born. Christa was here with me. Grandma was insistent that this was exactly where we were supposed to be. She was so glad Christa was here caring for me, and she very clearly made it known that she was completely fine that we both missed the services. We might not have been, but she was, and she very lovingly and firmly told us that.

- Grandma was a faithful wife. She made a pie pretty much nightly for her husband, for who knows how many years (Grandpa loved his pie). She cared for him as his health was failing, and would have stayed home caring for him until the end, had it been only up to her.

- Grandma wasn't a fancy person and didn't have an extravagant life, but she seemed very content. When we would visit her, our days were very routine. We had breakfast, we played cards, we watched Price is Right, we had lunch, we rested, we had dinner, we watched Wheel of Fortune, we went to bed. She never seemed like she wanted anything fancier for her life.

- Grandma was a great cook - I would gladly eat her noodles and angel food cake every day for the rest of my life.

- Grandma was insistent that I write the names and dates on the back of every picture I gave her. She scolded me once when I neglected to do this. It is a habit that I will do my best to continue. She also scolded me once when I stopped by her independent living apartment to drop off some flowers close to the anniversary of Grandpa's death. I knew it was her rest time, and I had knocked lightly and she hadn't come to the door. I left the flowers and the note from Christa and I, and I left. She called and let me know, very clearly, that it was always okay for me to wake her up, and never okay for me to stop by without saying hi. Not to make it seem like she was also scolding, but I can also remember a few times where I was reminded that thank you notes were the appropriate response to a gift and even one phone call checking to make sure I had actually gotten a gift since no thank you note was received. (I wish I could say that this was one habit that she instilled in me, but I clearly still struggle with this.)

- Grandma wrote me a note once that I will never forget. It didn't say much, only about 4 lines. One of them said this, "your mother would be proud." That was all she needed to say.

I'm so glad my grandmother was able to hold two of my babies, and so glad that my third baby will be with me as we grieve her death and celebrate her life this week. I'm also blessed to be able to spend some time with my three remaining grandparents and introduce them to my sweet Jocelyn. Life is fleeting.

(On a side note, I have no idea what my "sweet" Jocelyn will choose to do during the funeral service. I am reminded of Curt's grandfather's funeral, which was when I was pregnant with the twins. There were a couple of babies there, and one of them was making some noise. This didn't phase me, but it extremely encouraged Curt. He loved the reminder that with each death, there are also new lives. Curt's grandfather's legacy lived on in those little cries at the funeral service that day. We'll see if Jocelyn chooses to bless others with that reminder as well.)

Sleep, little girl, Sleep

2011-10-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

Last Friday/Saturday night, I woke up at 4:45 am and I was holding a baby. I had no idea how she got there or how long she had been there. I think that indicates that I was a little on the tired side! I was then awake with this same, sweet, precious, wonderful baby until about 6:00 am. Around about 5:30 am, I definitely had to think...why on earth did I ever wake up to begin with, and why did I ever think I should try and put her down!

Jocelyn has some stretches where she certainly does not want to sleep in the middle of the night. These are hard on me. Last night, it was from 1:00 to 4:20. I am thankful Curt took a good chunk of that stretch, but it was still hard on all of us. However, each time I look down and see a little hand clinging to my shirt, everything seems to be okay.

Last week was rough for Jocelyn. She started having these periods where she will abruptly stop nursing, cry in pain, arch her back, and refuse to finish nursing. She really does seem agitated, fussy, and possibly in pain for about the next hour and 20 minutes or so. I will offer her a feeding numerous amounts of time during this period, and she will refuse. When the magic hour and 20 minutes is up, she will usually willingly eat and fall right to sleep. This usually happens about once, maybe twice, a day - sometimes during the day, sometimes at night.

Something is clearly bothering her during these times, but it doesn't seem constant enough for it to be a true lactose sensitivity or acid reflux. Maybe this would have been called "colic" in the old days. Maybe it is gas. I tried gripe water last Saturday evening. Maybe it helped. She had a better weekend and Monday - then came the three hours of crying in the middle of the night last night, so who knows.

Micah says the same thing, pretty much, every time he sees his baby sister. He consistently looks at her, and in kind of a high pitched voice says, "She's so little." I'm starting to wonder if he is saying this all the time because he is truly shocked that she is STILL little. If he is wondering, why isn't she big yet? Will she ever get to play cars with me?

Words from the Street....Greenlea Drive that is

2011-10-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

Me: Let's get off of daddy. We don't want to hurt daddy.
Mackenna: Daddy, I love you. Daddy, you are my best friend

----
Me: Let's clean up the mess.
Micah: Why?
Me: It looks like a bomb went off. Let's clean up.
Micah: Why?
Me: I just told you. W hat if we lost your cars because it was so messy that we couldn't find them?
(no response)
Me: What if it was so messy that I stepped on your animal cage and broke it?
Micah: No, you step around the cage.
Me: What if I couldn't?
Micah: You step in holes. That's how you do it.
(Oh dear. I promise that I clean my house. Pay no attention to all the comments that seem to think that this three year old boy must live in a completely messy house all the time.)

----
Micah: Will you take a pause and wipe my hands? (note: this may have sounded more like "take a pause and wipe my hands" but will throw the "will you" in there to give him the benefit of the doubt.)
As I'm wiping his hands, Micah: Hey pause and claws rhyme!

----
Mackenna: I held Jocelyn's hands and said my special words to her.
Me: What were your special words?
Mackenna: I love you Jocelyn, very much.

----
Mackenna: When I was your age, I was a little girl.

----
Mackenna: My drink coughed my throat.

----
Mackenna: I want money... because I love you.

----
(after naptime) Mackenna: I heard sounds of a wolf blowing down a pig's house, on Nana's street, and it kept me up.

----
Me: What do you guys want for breakfast?
Micah: Remember that one time that we had donuts, do we still have those?
Me: No, those are gone.
Micah: Who ate the last one?
Me: Daddy (As sad as that was at the time, it sure was nice that I didn't have to say "me." Never mind that I had the three donuts before the last one.)

----
Micah, to Curt: When I'm five, I'll be as big as you.
Micah, later, stretching up his hands: This is how much I need to get bigger in order to be as big as you.

----
We were in a parking lot, moving from one end of a county park to the other. We told the kids they didn't have to buckle completely up, just their top buckles would be fine.
Micah: Oh, why, because you don't have to crash today?

Words from "Five Guys"

2011-10-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

Me: Hey Micah, do you have kissable cheeks?
Micah: No, (laughing), you have kissable cheeks! (and he demonstrates)
Micah: You have a kissable noses (and he demonstrates)
Micah: Do you have kissable face? (and he checks to confirm)
Micah: Do you have a kissable neck? (okay...maybe we need to put a stop to this...)
Micah: Do you have kissable teeth? (yup...really need to stop this....)

"The best part of the day....

2011-10-16T06:11:00.000-07:00

The part where you and me become we." - Winnie the Pooh

***That quote has nothing to do with this post; I just liked it. Although, I guess in many ways, these quotes and these kiddos, and this "we" stuff, is the best part of my day too. Winnie was right.***

Here are some quotes from the past few days...

----
Micah, during dinner: "I can't eat because I kind of...(I expected to hear that he was tired, or that he didn't like it)...because I want some cake."

----
Christa: Mackenna, come sit on the couch with me, and I'll read.
Mackenna: There isn't room.
Christa: Oh, there is tons of room, we have small bottoms.
Mackenna: But you have a big bottom.

(if you know my lovely sister, you know this is NOT true.)

----
Mackenna: Why isn't Jocelyn happy?
Curt: I don't know.
Mackenna: Because she wants cake.

----
Micah: I'm going to go poopy and then play princesses. (Think he has sisters?)

----

Mackenna: Daddy, I love you. I’m going to marry you.
Dad: I love you too, but you’ll marry someone else some day.
Mackenna: Micah?
Dad: No not your brother. Someone else.
Mackenna: Who?
Micah, joining the conversation: Boys don’t get married.
Dad: I’m a boy, and I got married.
Micah: I’m not.
Mackenna, bringing the focus back: But who am I gonna marry?!?
Dad: Let’s not worry about that right now.
Mackenna: Ooooh (sad sigh)

----
Micah (to me): Will you take your toothbrush out of your mouth so I can hear you?

----
Micah (while I was on the phone): Can we clean up?
Me (to Christa): haha, Micah is asking to clean.
Micah: No, not clean the whole house, just that room, so I can play trains.

----
Micah (to me): We are big and bigger, but not like you are big and bigger.

----
(Sorry for the redundancy of these prayer posts. Some of her prayers are the same, but the different things that she throws in are just so precious.)

Mackenna's prayer at dinner last night: "Thank you that mommy has a baby. Thank you for my new camera. Thank you that daddy is here. Thank you that everyone is here. Thank you for my princess dress. Thank you for all my stuff."

----

10 on 10...sorta

2011-10-13T17:28:00.000-07:00

A few of my friends/relatives do something called "10 on 10", where they take 10 pictures of the events of their day on the 10th of the month. I think it is a great idea and it helps to document the more mundane daily events of life. However, it is obviously not the 10th, so I am going to play the "my life is still in crazy upheaval mode from the little girl born on the 21st of the month" card and do something a little different for my first 10 on 10.

Here are my 21 photos from the past few days, in honor of the dear sweet wonder of a person who is now three weeks old.

Building a fort with their Uncle Evan

(notice that a 50 mm fixed lens does pose some composition issues in photo situations like this)

Tickle time with Uncle John

Snuggle time with Aunt Marissa

More snuggles with Aunt Bri

Reading time with Aunt Bri

(notice the horrible pigtails and questionable outfit, I'm playing the "Miss 21st" card on those too)

Sister "smiles"

Yes, Mackenna, that is her head.

Smothering her sister

Snoozing on Aunt Bri's lap

Evan learning the names of all of Micah's "talking cars"

Daddy snuggles

Micah came up with and built this Lego car all on his own.

Micah (read: Curt) built this train track - I love seeing "their" creations.

Aunt Christa snuggles

Very odd attire and extra accompaniments for a quick walk to Marcia's

Awake time (read: cry time)

A little snooze

Looking/Smiling at big sister

Look, the little one has a nose

Little Girl in a Big Chair

Ahhh....snuzzles

Must have been bad before...

2011-10-10T17:49:00.001-07:00

Micah: "hey, Aunt Christa, our room is almost clean enough to walk through."

Sunday Quotables

2011-10-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

Mackenna's Prayer: "Thank you that mama has a baby, Thank you for Peyton Manning, Thank you for the food, Thank you that we go to church, Thank you that Uncle Evan came, Thank you that Aunt Bri came, Amen."

-----
Me, to Micah after he fell on the ground at church: "What did you hurt, buddy?"
Micah: "The ground"

-----
Mackenna, after dinner: "Can I have some more food?"
Me: "What kind of food do you want?"
Mack: "Some special food"
Me: "What kind of special food?"
Mack: "Some amazing food"
Me: "Like a cheese stick?"
Mack: "Yeah, like a special, amazing cheese stick."

What my big kids have been saying...

2011-10-06T22:17:00.000-07:00

Me (to Jocelyn): It's not time to eat Jocelyn
Mackenna: Eat Jocelyn, that is silly. I'm not eating Jocelyn, I'm eating my food
----
Mackenna (at the park, as she chases Micah): I'm a mean woman...
----
Micah (nightly): Mommy, I can't sleep very well. Will you snuggle with me so I can sleep? (Snuggling and face rubbing, by both of us, commences)
----
Micah: I'm being a daddy to Mackenna's cow. It is time to change his diaper.
----
Mackenna's prayer at dinner tonight: Thank you that MAMA HAS a baby (definite emphasis there)...thank you for Jesus, for Batman, and for all of our stuff
----
Micah (to daddy while doing a puzzle): Now here, you try again and lets see if you can do it right this time
----
Mackenna (while watching Jocelyn get her diaper changed): She has a bottom like me

Jocelyn - Two Weeks

2011-10-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

Here is what I know about Jocelyn after being her mama for two weeks -

She doesn't like her swing.
She eats every 2 - 3 hours. Although I know that babies can be fully happy and healthy nursing only on one side (I have raised two of them), she does seem happier if she eats from both sides. Convincing her of this is sometimes a challenge. It isn't a matter of keeping her awake; I/we usually change her diaper in between sides to accomplish that. She will be wide awake, rooting like crazy, act like she is going to latch on, and then spit me out, turn up her nose, and close her mouth in disinterest. She will then want to eat again in anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour and a half.
She usually has a period in the night where she doesn't want to go back to bed after nursing. She is content during this period if she is held or if the light is on, but no so much in bed. Sometimes this is after the last night feeding (4,5,or 6ish). Sometimes this is after the first night feeding (10,11,12ish). I would prefer it be after the first one. Starting the night sleeping in the chair is so much better than ending a night losing what little amount of sleep you were hoping to have left.
She hasn't stretched out her night sleep at all yet. She gave me close to 4 hours once, but usually it is still the 2.5 to 3 hours that we have during the day.
She likes to be on the go. She is perfectly content in the car (except when we were leaving the doctor and she sensed that mama was going to have the opportunity to go through the Starbucks drive thru. She then decided to prevent this by screaming). She loves going to the park (having older siblings helps you get park experience from a young age). So far she has been so content on outings that I haven't even had to change her diaper in a public location.
She is confused about how to be happy and awake at the same time. She would prefer to stay in the new newborn stage of just sleep, eat, and poop - those are the things she likes. She senses that she is growing up and changing, and she is confused about this. She knows she is supposed to be awake mroe, but she doesn't know what to do with her time when she is awake, so she cries. And her mama doesn't really know what to do to make a little baby happy and awake. All the things that I know to do for sad babies just put them to sleep.
She is really patient with being "petted" on the head by her siblings. She has even been poked in the eye, and she gets random body parts kissed on a frequent basis. She puts up with this with great grace.
She did successfully suck her thumb when she was a week old. Genetic?
She really is a sweet little booger. I don't have her figured out yet, at all. I know things she doesn't like. Hopefully soon I will learn things she does like. And hopefully they will be things that I like also.

It's not for wimps, I tell you

2011-10-06T05:17:00.000-07:00

As if I could forget...

Here is how my first day being a solo parent of three went:

7:30 PM night before my solo mission - hear my three year old daughter screaming like crazy during bathtime, realize that she has a sore throat and a fever
8:00 - feed baby
10:30 - feed baby
11:00 - give baby to husband to try to get to sleep
11:10 - start listening to baby cry
11:30 - keep listening to baby cry
12:00 - give up, take the baby back, move out of bedroom and into lazy boy to nurse and sleep with baby
3:00 - wake up with baby on chest, nurse, try to go back to bed
5:30 - feed baby
6:00 - hear older daughter yelling "mommy, I want you," bring her to bed with me
7:00 - joined in bed by my son
7:30 - get munchkins started on their morning shows and juice
7:40 - come back to crash in bed for a few minutes and hear my husband ask "do I have a fever?" (seriously, after I slept next to Mr. Germy all night?)
7:45 - convince dear sweet sick husband to stay home and sleep all morning

spend rest of morning alternating between feeding a baby, watching cartoons, playing cars, taking kids potty, getting dressed, feeding kids frozen waffles, convincing sick daughter to not touch two week old baby, taking all three kids to the doctor - one for a cord cauterization, one for a strep test, one just along for the ride, listen to baby scream on the way home from the doctor so that I can't justify stopping at Starbucks

at least I wasn't bored :)

What we are doing about Mackenna

2011-10-04T12:50:00.000-07:00

After writing this post that definitely seemed to imply that I have "had it up to here" with my older daughter, I thought I should explain a little bit more. Things aren't going extremely smoothly in the Mackenna department, and I am reminded that massive change and being a little sinner isn't really a great combination. I obviously still love her more than life, and I would take a hundred more of her and a zillion more bad days with her if that is what God gives us, but we are trying to come out of this phase alive - all of us.

Since I do believe this phase is passing, and I tend to be forgetful, I thought it might be a good idea to write down some of the things we are doing to deal with our manic, emotional, confused, angry, wonderful, dear, sweet little girl.

Trying to snuggle with her more - when possible - this is obviously not all the time
Disciplining calmly and consistently
Saying yes when we can, no when we must
Answering her "are you happy" or "are you mad" questions with reaffirmations of our love for her and our unlove for her actions
Focusing on her behavior - telling her she has made a wrong choice, wrong response, wrong action, wrong words, wrong volume, etc. - not telling her to "fix her attitude"
Reminding her that disobedience has consequences, that consequences hurt, and that God has given us, her parents, the responsibility of showing her this
Praising her correct actions (not attitudes) when she does them
Asking for her to help with things (like folding clothes)
Reading to her while I nurse
Telling her to go potty more often - not waiting for her to fail, causing frustration on everyone's part
Telling her when it is a good time to hold Jocelyn. Encouraging her to take advantage of these times, not just the times that she wants to
Evaluating my offers to her before I make them (Considering how it may end up - will this end well? Although, many times her emotional responses are far too unpredictable. Who would have thought that opening the mail would lead to ruin.)
Telling her I love her and giving her as many hugs as possible - can never go wrong with this one, right?

And something that I should be doing more of about this situation....praying. You can pray with me.

-----
A few reminders that she isn't "all bad"

Mack (to me): I love you daddy
Me: Aww, that is nice, we should tell him
Mack: Yes, I want to tell him that. I like him. He is beautiful and nice. He is a good daddy.

----
Me: Did you have a good nap
Mack: Yes, it was great. I liked it. I told Micah I loved him during nap.
Me: That is nice. It is good to love Micah.
Mack: Yes, he is the only boy I love.
Me: What about daddy?
Mack: Hahaha
Daddy: (Making sad face) you don't love me?
Mack: No, I can only love Micah. That is the only boy I can love.
Daddy: Well, that isn't bad, I guess. I don't want you growing up and getting married.
Mack: (Changing her tune) No, I like boys. Boys are nice.

I guess we'll keep her

Micah, the generous one

2011-10-02T18:40:00.000-07:00

As they were supposed to be picking books to read at bedtime, I heard Micah say to Mackenna, "I have two books, which one do you want to pick?" Wow buddy. That is sweet of you. Instead of her being able to pick from our large book collections, I'm sure she would like to pick from one of your two choices.

He then came into my room and said, "Hmm...which should I pick. The "Snow Cat in the Hat book" is the one I was looking for, but I really like Buzz and Woody. I was confused about where the snow book was, but now I know. I guess I should pick that one since that is the one I really wanted." Such a serious boy.

But he did say, "Mama, I love you. Will you read to us tonight?"

Sure thing buddy.

So Thankful (Jocelyn's Story - Pt 4)

2011-10-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

This is the last part of the hospital version of Jocelyn's story. The rest of her story, well, we're still waiting to see how that will read!

------

Our overall hospital stay was just wonderful. Thursday was a nice, calm day. I showered. We had another great nurse - a young one - Kayla. It came up that she had just gone through a miscarriage. In my conversation with her, she mentioned again that not all new moms that the hospital encounters are as suited to motherhood as I might be. She mentioned how hard it is to be struggling with conceiving and to be surrounded by new moms who are addicts or don’t really seem to want their babies. This was the same sentiment that a nurse expressed with the twins when I said something about, “are you sure you are really going to let us take them home?” and she responded with “are you kidding? you are the ones that we actually want to send home with babies. That isn’t how every story goes.” A sobering reminder.

Celeste and Angie visited for awhile; always good to talk to friends, especially when we don’t have our older kids with us. I was able to take a nap during “family nap time” in the afternoon. Jocelyn stayed up and then dozed with Curt, since he was rested from his morning champion nap. I had a few of the amazing hospital chocolate chip cookies; I might have to make a return trip to the hospital just to have one again. The twins came again after naptime. They were definitely wired, and Curt and I each took turns walking Micah up and down the hallway. I also ventured out of my room multiple times to get juice or ice, a big change from the twins where I didn’t leave my hospital room until it was time to go home. I felt good, and very thankful. I did forget to stay on top of my pain medicine during the day on Thursday, and this caught up with me on Thursday night. I was faint, nauseous, and in a lot of pain. Oops. A little extra pain meds, and I was able to rebound.

My night nurse was fine - Lidia. She was a savior at about 2 am when Jocelyn just wasn’t sleeping. She had wanted nothing to do with her bassinet. She would really only sleep skin to skin on my chest. So that is what we were doing. I had unlatched her after nursing, and just situated her a little a higher on my chest. I had the bed propped up, and we were both snoozing. The nurse came in and assumed that we had just finished nursing. She took her from me, got her redressed, and swaddled her, placing her in her bassinet where she happily slept until 4 am. She woke then and nursed, and I was able to lay her back down in her bed until morning. Good for the nurse; sure hadn’t worked when Curt or I had tried it. I’m pretty sure that my milk came in sometime during the night on Thursday night, and this could also have been part of the change in disposition. Jocelyn did lose some weight by the time she was weighed next - 6 lbs 12 oz - well within the 10% range that they are allowed to lose.

Friday morning brought an amped up Curt, ready to go home. He seriously made me laugh as he was a man on a mission, continually asking what was next as we inched closer to discharge. He was really ready to get home to his older two munchkins, pick up my mom from my airport, and start real life, I guess. We packed up, passed a hearing screen, took some pictures, visited with the head lactation consultant/my friend Lucille, and went home. All feeling so strange, but so normal, all at the same time. As Curt and I drove through the Chick-fil-A drive thru with our little bundle in her car seat, I couldn’t help but think how weird it was to be in our van with just the three of us. I’m used to the four of us, but somehow everything had changed. It was also weird to feel like everything had changed, but yet to have no one notice :) It was just a normal day in Chick-fil-A land. It wasn’t like we had a giant sign on us that said “BRAND new baby on board” or “just left the hospital;” I just felt like everyone should know somehow. It was one of those surreal moments; didn't really seem like my life.

It is safe to say that Jocelyn was definitely a hit at the hospital. People who saw her commented on her little nose, tiny mouth, and her good color. Many were shocked by how alert she was. “Pretty” was a common word used to talk about our little girl. I was pretty obsessed with her soft, soft skin. Rubbing my cheek against hers was, and will always remain, one of my favorite feelings in the whole world.

If she was a hit at the hospital, she has been a rock star here at home, at least in Mackenna’s mind. Now if we could just figure out what “gentle” and “not the head” really mean. Micah gets a really proud grin whenever he looks at his baby sister, even if it isn’t as often as he looks at Lightning McQueen or Mader. He does comment that she is "so little" and "beautiful," often spontaneously saying that he loves his baby sister. Mackenna’s prayers have shifted to “Thank you that mama HAS a baby” and she definitely emphasizes the change in tense. Life is good - a little full of milk and temper tantrums and potty accidents (from all three) - but life is good, and I am blessed.

This has been a different experience

2011-10-02T11:50:00.000-07:00

I can't lie. This 2nd/3rd baby thing has been very different from my first experience. Not sure if it is the twin/single thing or just the 2nd time around thing, but I really like it. Here is a little of what comes to mind about what I mean...

I am willing to feed her for as long as she would like to hang out there. If she gets a little distracted, tired, or disinterested, we just take a break and cuddle for a bit and then try again. If this had been the twins, I would have taken those signs as "I'm done," and would have passed off the first twin to daddy so that I could feed the second. I do think she is getting more food this way, although I still maintain that the twins were getting a perfectly adequate amount!

I am loving the snuggles, even more so than with the twins. I know now that it goes so fast, that she won't always want to snuggle. I knew that last time, but this time I really know it. I also even more love just getting to sit and chill and snuggle, knowing that I'm doing exactly what I should be doing at that moment, not having to discipline or correct her, just give her love. That will change, and that will be okay, but this is really great.

Home isn't quiet anymore. I can't always sleep when she sleeps. My older two lovies are full of energy and needs; I am still their mom. I think about Curt and I's time just hanging out with our two brand new babies, and it is very different this time. I think that is part of the reason that I do love the after bed until late night feeding time slot. It is quiet and peaceful and reminds me of those "easier" days with just two babies!

Instead of getting kind of panicky, I get really excited about the idea of being home with just the baby. It feels like a cakewalk. I can take care of just a baby. We can snuggle, she can eat, I can change her...all doable things. Especially when you aren't combining it with potty accidents, fits, stories to read, trucks to play, etc.

I know that this baby stage and feeding all night will pass. I'm less frustrated with her when she wakes to eat at night. I'm still tired, sure, but I know that it will be over one day. She will sleep. I will sleep. We all will sleep again someday.

She is my third baby. I am so blessed.

Nighttime Blessings (Jocelyn's story - Pt 3)

2011-09-30T13:29:00.000-07:00

We were situated in our new room, and I was able to feed Jocelyn again and change into new clothes by about 5 PM. This timing was so much nicer than the twins. I think the fact that it was still daylight out definitely contributed to my overall “humanlike” feelings. I still had energy, and had just enough time to enjoy the evening before visiting hours were over and it was back to just the three of us again in our cozy little room (with an ocean view). I looked back at pictures of the twins, and I didn’t change clothes until the twins were about 36 hours old, and I probably didn’t leave the room for about that long also. I liked the nurse, her name was Liza. I was surprised when she mentioned that Dr. Vaughan, our awesome pediatrician had been called, and he was going to stop by on his way home from the office. I definitely did not expect to see him until the next morning. He gave her a good report, said I looked great, and said he would see us the next morning. Just a few more blessings that were wrapped up into this 2nd/3rd experience (never am quite sure how to think of it).

Marcia brought the twins up shortly after Dr. Vaughan left. When we had talked to the twins earlier on the phone to announce the birth of their baby sister, Marcia showed them the picture text message we had sent. We were able to hear their reactions on the phone. Mackenna said, “she came out!” as her eyes got all big and wide, Marcia told us. Micah had a very serious, thinking face on. Marcia also told me that she said, “I love my baby sister” twice in the period after the phone call. They were so excited as they charged into the hospital room. They looked at her in the bassinet bed thing for awhile, and we could hardly hold Mackenna back when it was time to hold her. The twins and I climbed in bed and each twin got a chance to hold Jocelyn. Mackenna was first, then Micah. I then heard a sweet voice from Mackenna, “can I have a second turn?” A little while later, it was time to hold her again, and we were in a different position, one where Mackenna really was truly holding her more. I still had my arm around her, and Mackenna looked up at me, and in kind of a negotiating voice, asked if I would please move my arm so she could hold her all by herself. She really was in love. I had gotten the twins some big sister/big brother presents - a few more “Cars” for him and a new purse with some squinkies for her. Micah may have been more excited about the cars than his sister, but he did show some love and excitement for her as well. It was a good first visit.

The twins left, and we got some dinner, it was close to 8 or 9 by this point. The night shift brought another great nurse (sense a theme here?), Cherrie. I wasn’t sure when I first met her, she seemed kind of old and “stuffy,” but she was really kind and compassionate throughout that whole night shift. I don’t know if it was just a unique fluke, or what, but I definitely felt like the nurses treated me much differently this second time around. They would come in, ask if the baby had nursed or peed or pooped, hear my response, say “great," and leave. Much less invasive and pushy. It was nice to feel like they trusted me. Later, we got to talking about her family. She had seven kids, and a whole slew of grandkids, and she seemed to really like her job. We talked a little bit about big families, and it was interesting to get her perspective (although the details of our conversation are a little fuzzy to me right now. Maybe I was tired as I was talking, or something. Haha.)

Jocelyn’s first night went pretty well - you know, for someone who hadn’t been out of the womb for 20 hours yet. She must have nursed sometime around 9ish, because at midnight, she was still sleeping, and I didn’t know what to do. I actually called the nurse to ask if I should wake her up or not. She said no, that I should get some rest. I dozed some, but I did wake her up shortly after that. I wasn’t sleeping all that well, and I really wanted to make sure I was nursing her frequently enough - both for my body and hers. At this point, I sent an email to Christa pointing out just how different this experience of having one baby was than having two. I actually had called and nurse and asked what I should do because my baby was still sleeping. That would have sounded absolutely insane the first time around. I knew that things could change in an instant, but up until that point (and really, still until now), I would be lying if I said that having one baby was anything but easier than having two! She slept until 3ish, and then it was somewhat downhill from there. She wanted to pretty much eat hourly until 7. She did sleep after that, but by that point, it was time for shift change, midwife rounds, pediatrician rounds, vitals, my exam, etc. Somehow, both Curt and Jocelyn slept through all of these visitors. Haha. That really made me smile. I guess, from this aspect, I can see why some people want to rush right home from the hospital. If we had been home for this night awake time and morning sleep time, I could have been sleeping also; no doctors or nurses would have kept me up with vitals and exams. However, coming home would have meant the chaos of two lovely munchkins, not the serene peace and quiet that I might picture in my head. I guess, if I could have all the experience and confidence of doing this for a second time around, without all the chaos of my other little people, home wouldn’t have been a bad place to be. Looking at the situation from my view of reality, I’m very glad that I was able to stay in the hospital until Friday. (Jocelyn did get weighed sometime that first night/next morning, and we found out that she hadn’t lost any weight yet - still 7 lbs 3 oz! The nurse commented that whatever I was doing with her constant eating must be working.)

Both of my first two nurses commented about Jocelyn being at an increase risk for developing jaundice because of all the bruising on her forehead. When the first nurse said this, I just kind of nodded and smiled like I knew what they were talking about, but when the second one said it also, I asked what the two had to do with each other. She said that jaundice is caused by a build up of dead red blood cells, that your liver is supposed to dispose of but hasn’t been able to keep up. The liver will work to filter the blood first regarding the bruise and the dead red blood cells there, leaving an excess of red blood cells in the rest of the blood stream, causing jaundice. Thankfully, yet another reason to be thankful, Jocelyn never developed anything close to jaundice. She would have a “ruddy” complexion at times while being examined, but her overall color stayed fine, and she eventually passed her bilirubin screen with flying colors. (She does appear to have sensitive skin, however. Her skin will get pretty red after it has been pressed up against my skin or anything else. Not sure how this is going to go in the diaper area. We are still working on that.)

One more "hospital" part of Jocelyn's story to share. If you are still reading, stay tuned...

Her first few hours (Jocelyn's story - Pt 2)

2011-09-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

After some skin to skin time with mama, the baby nurse took her to weigh her and get her a little more cleaned up. She weighed in at 7 lbs, 3.3 oz and was 20.5 inches long. I heard the nurse mention apgar scores of 8 and 9. At this point, her head was shaped quite a bit like a unicorn and she had a large amount of bruising on her forehead. Apparently my pelvic bones hadn’t been too nice to her, and her poor face had suffered the brunt of her acrobatic stunts in utero. In spite of this, the nurses were enthralled with her - her delicate features and her extremely alert eyes. They kept commenting that her first pink hat, the solid dark pink one, definitely was “her color," that it really complemented her skin tone and features well. She was given back to me for some skin to skin nursing, and she latched on immediately.

This was a blessing on so many levels. For one, I had been saying to many of my friends during the weeks leading up to birth that it really didn’t matter to me how she entered the world. I was prepared for a c-section, and I had come to terms with that. However, nursing was one of those things that I wasn’t as nonchalant about. I did (and still do) care how she gets her food. I had been praying that nursing would come naturally for us, and it really got a great start. Also, there had been some concern that morning about whether or not I would get to nurse her shortly after birth. Earlier, a nurse had walked into the room and had bluntly announced, “now, you know that since you refused HIV testing, I will have to take your baby from you right after birth and give her a bath.” I was a little caught off guard by this, and I asked her what she meant by “taking my baby right after birth.” She said that it was a new hospital policy (wasn’t in place when I declined the testing), and I would have a little time with her, but then she would need her bath. She wasn’t overly kind about this, and I commented about this to Curt after she left the room. He mentioned that her job all day is to tell moms that she has to take their baby away from them; she obviously had adopted a “pull the bandaid off quickly” kind of method of dealing with this. I figured there was nothing I could do about the situation at this point, and we moved on. It turns out that when it was time for Jocelyn to arrive in the world, there were a few other babies being born as well. The first nurse, the really blunt one, was with one of those other babies. The baby nurse that took care of Jocelyn was much more tender and warm. She also clearly thought the new policy was stupid. So combine that with the fact that Jocelyn entered the world fully alert and ready to eat, rooting constantly, and the policy was slightly “bent” a bit in this situation. After she was weighed and everyone was commenting on how much she wanted to eat, I asked if I could nurse her before her bath, expecting maybe only a few minutes to try this. The nurse hesitated a bit, and then said sure, that she would leave for about 30 minutes and then come back for the bath. Everyone else stepped out then too. I was able to just hold and nurse and cuddle my baby, with only Curt in the room also, for those thirty minutes. It was really great. She ate from the right, then the left, then Curt held her for the first time, and then she ate from the right again. So thankful.

To make the situation even better, when it was time for her bath, it was also lunchtime for me. My food arrived, and I was able to eat and make a few phone calls while Jocelyn got her bath right there in the room with me. It really worked out perfectly. When the time did come for us to move to our 2nd room, Jocelyn was able to stay in with us the whole time - she didn’t have to leave for any kind of bath, and I still got my initial skin to skin nursing time that I had hoped for. (When the twins were born, they didn’t get their bath until we were over in our 2nd room, sometime after midnight. I had been prepared for there not being a nursery at the hospital and for the babies to room in with me the whole time. It had been a long day, and my emotions were crazy by this point. The babies were taken away to get their bath, and it seemed like they had been gone a really long time and they weren’t coming back. I had Curt go look for them. He came back and told me that the nursery - which I didn’t think they had - was going to keep the twins and let me get a little sleep. I didn’t deal with this well. I was panicked they wouldn’t bring them back as soon as I wanted them. That I wouldn’t get to nurse them. Etc. So I laid in bed for awhile and didn’t really get the sleep that my nurse had wanted me to get. I’m not sure how they ended up back in our room - if Curt had to go hunt them down again or if they really did get delivered to me in time to feed, but it wasn’t my fondest memory from that night. One that I'm thankful I didn't have to repeat.)

Another one of my least favorite memories from the first time around, and an item I had been praying about, was going to the bathroom. With the twins, the whole day was great - labor, birth, nursing - until it was time to get out of bed. Things went downhill from there. I lost blood, got dizzy, and couldn’t go to the bathroom. Not a winning experience, and the main mental deterrent from me getting an epidural this time. However, on this trip to the bathroom, my spirits were high (thanks in part to my really fun, great nurse - have I mentioned her yet - wink wink). I was joking as we walked to the bathroom that surely if I could pee the night before when I didn’t intend to, I could do it now when I did want to. And, thankfully, I did. Hallelujiah for not having to be hooked to awkward tubes for the next 12-24 hours.

As I was being wheeled to my new room, I was overwhelmed by the blessings. I was holding a beautiful (clean) baby girl, I was unhooked from all IVs, and was not getting ready to be rehooked up to any other tubes. I felt good enough to ask the twins to come visit, and I was thinking about what clothes I wanted to change into. (I had expected the induction to take longer, more like the twins, and I was not planning on seeing Micah or Mackenna until the next day.) Really, in so many ways, I had all the positives of “not getting an epidural,” but still got to have the pain relief of the epidural.

Speaking of the epidural, I had a nice conversation with Nancy about epidurals. I had been somewhat curious as to how this induction would go with a midwife instead of a doctor. I wasn’t sure what her opinion would be if and when I asked for pain relief. The leg pain definitely clinched the deal on an epidural for me. Once the excruciating leg pain had subsided and I was able to talk again, I asked her about her experiences with epidurals vs. natural child birth, even water births. She was positive about all the options, not at all condescending of choosing to get an epidural. I was feeling a little bit like I shouldn’t have gotten one - I really only had one for two hours. I was thinking that surely I could have dealt with the pain if it was only going to last for two hours. Nancy pointed out that sometimes the epidural relaxes you to the point that your body can progress through the end of labor, instead of forcing you to tighten up and slow down the process. She seemed to think it was a fine/good decision for me to make. And, in my own consideration, I don’t regret it at all. Yes, maybe it only would have been two hours of leg pain, but maybe it would have been far more. She was sunny side up, and I successfully pushed her out in less than 30 minutes. She nursed well from the beginning. I was able to pee. I got the feeling back in my legs quickly. No real negatives in my book - aside from the bruise on my back from the multiple needle sticks. I guess I can deal with that.

Still a few more mama ramblings to share in a future post...

There once was a girl...

2011-09-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

There once was a girl with a curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very very good, and when she was bad, she was horrid.

Enough said.

September 21st was a good day (Jocelyn's Story - Pt 1)

2011-09-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

(Started being written sometime on Thursday the 22nd)

So this is the story of a sweet little bundle named Jocelyn. She is brand new and squishy. She has a double chin and long legs and fingers. She is still a stranger to me a bit, but yet she is also a part of me. In some ways, I am still a stranger to her too, but she does love to listen to my voice and stare at my eyes. She likes to be sung to, and she loves to suck. She is currently snoozing next to me, the sweetest little bundle. She came into the world like this…

After my “water breaking that wasn’t” incident, we left for the hospital for real on Wednesday morning, Sept. 21st around 5:30 am. The kids were still at Marcia’s from the night before, so we were just able to get up and get going. I say “get up,” but that probably isn’t the best term for it. I really had a hard time sleeping Tuesday night. I slept from about midnight to 1:30 and then again from about 3:45 to 4:45. That was about it. I read and prayed, caught up on birth stories on friend’s blogs, and tried to sleep. When it was time to leave, I will be honest that I was a little pessimistic about the whole idea of being induced. When Curt took a “getting in the car” picture of me that morning, I thought about immediately entitling it a “leaving for my failed induction” picture. I was in a joking and sarcastic mood about everything, but I definitely wasn’t optimistic. I even had Curt leave some of our bags in the car when we got to the hospital, so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of carrying pillows and a suitcase back out to the van when it failed.

We got checked in, and actually had the same nurse from just a few hours prior. She had not been overly positive about me or my induction when we had left the night before, but she was slightly more upbeat this morning. (“You are only 1 cm and thick. If this were your first baby, I would tell you to prepare for a long day, but maybe, since its not, maybe it will go better....”) She checked me around 6:30 a.m. and still thought she felt a head, and that maybe it was slightly lower than it had been the night before. She also thought that I was maybe softer and slightly more dilated (1.5 instead of 1). She did say that maybe all the contractions from the night before had done something (which was definitely not the tune she was singing the last time we had talked). She went ahead and started the pitocin around 6:45 AM - 2.0 mL/hour - saying it would get turned up every 30 minutes until it did its job.

At shift change I got a new nurse, and what a welcome and positive change it was. Her name was Becki, and she was fabulous. She was just so stinkin positive. She was upbeat and cheerful, kind and thorough. She was one of my favorite parts of the day!

Chilling and having my pitocin turned up is pretty much how I spent my morning. I was having mildly painful contractions every 3 minutes or so by about 7:45. By 8:45, it was up to 10.0 mL/hour. Curt and I watched the first two episodes of Lost, I got up and sat on the birthing ball some, I had some juice, I made a successful trip to the bathroom, it was a fine morning. Becki, making me fall more in love with her, had commented that I was going to have the baby by 2:00. I responded with something about that sounding like wonderful but wishful thinking, as we still had no idea if I was progressing at all and I was still just hoping to not get sent home, to have the baby before dark, and to avoid nurse shift change. Around 9:00, Dr. Dadisman (the doctor who did my version) stopped in and asked if anyone had checked for a head with the ultrasound machine. They hadn’t, so she did. Sure enough, there was a nice head there in the right position. It did look like she was possibly looking sideways in the pelvis, but there was no comment made about this. We chatted for a few minutes, and she went on her way. I was extremely happy that she was the doctor on call. She is kind and confident, very personable and down to earth. If I had needed to see her again (instead of my midwife), I would have been fine with that.

Also around this time, the pain started increasing. The contractions were coming every minute or so, and they were getting much harder. It was still bearable, but I found myself increasingly curious to know if things were progressing or not. I didn’t want to be checked just to hear “no change” and to lower the positive mood of my lovely nurse, but I also really felt like things had to be moving somewhere. My midwife still had not stopped by, and I was getting more agitated about this. I asked Becki about it, thinking that the midwife’s presence related to my eventually getting drugs, and she said that pain management was up to me. When I wanted to ask about it, she would check me and get things started. I decided to wait awhile. It seemed that every time Becki visited my room, I was between a contraction. Since I was happy and smiling, and still able to talk and answer her questions, she didn’t think I was in much pain (and to her credit, I certainly wasn’t in much pain compared to what was to come). By about 10:00, the pain had moved lower, to my low pelvis and also my back. Also, I was starting to feel the contractions in my legs, shooting sharp pains down my outer thighs. I went to the bathroom again and decided that I was going to try and make it to 10:30 before asking about drugs. I only made it to about 10:15! Things were really picking up at this point, both in intensity and just tempo of the day. Curt called Becki for me, and found out that Nancy, my midwife for the day, was there and they were getting ready to come in and check me. Nancy checked, and I had progressed to 3 cm, 80% effaced, and -2 station. She did think the baby was probably face up or face sideways. She wasn’t ready to break my water yet, but Becki asked if they could start getting me hydrated for an epidural, and Nancy said of course. She mentioned that she would let the epidural kick in and then she would break my water. Becki got the IV fluids started and Nancy and Becki both stayed and talked for awhile about a variety of things - the new fall line up of shows, the new NCIS the night before (which Curt and I had gotten to watch since we had spent the night before at home instead of at the hospital!), the premiere of Biggest Loser, changes at the OB office, etc. It was kind of a random conversation, but I was thankful for the distraction from the intense pain I was in. The leg pain was unbelievably awful, and it was coming less than a minute apart.

After 11, the epidural lady showed up to start paperwork and prepwork. The actual delivering of the epidural did not go as well as last time. This is ironic, because one of the main things that stood out from the twins’ delivery was the funny way that the anestethsiologist just kept saying, “you have a beautiful back. such a beautiful back...” This time, the lady asked me if I had scoliosis, and she had to stick me multiple times before she was able to get it in. I’m not sure if childbirth and another pregnancy really has changed my back that much, or if I was just in so much pain that I wasn’t sitting correctly on the lumpy bed. I jerked away on the first stab, but she eventually got the epidural in and started sometime after 11:30. It took a little longer for its effects to kick in than I remember, but they eventually did. I was able to move both legs this time (last time one leg lost all usefulness).

Because the contractions were coming so rapidly, they turned the pitocin down to 6.0. At noon (only an hour and a half since my last check), Becki checked me and I was 8 cm and 100% effaced. No wonder things had gotten so crazy. My water was still intact and the baby was still at -2 station. I was able to relax in bed, laying on first my right side and then my left (I think this was an attempt to hopefully get the baby to rotate in my pelvis now that I was relaxed), and around 12:30, I announced, “yup, my water just broke,” and this time I wasn’t making it up. Becki got my bed cleaned up, called for Nancy, and started things in motion for delivery. It was surreal to see carts being brought into the room, the warmer turned on, baby nurses popping in, etc. The epidural and my hormone surges were giving me the shakes at this point. At Nancy’s next check, she thought the baby had possibly rotated out of sunny side up, and that there was only the slightest rim of cervix left.

I guess I fully dilated sometime shortly after that; Nancy had said that just a few more contractions would do it, and at 12:55, I started pushing, with pitocin completely turned off and unhooked shortly after that. Nancy seemed pleased with my pushing, but the baby wasn’t really descending, so after a few rounds of pushing, she suggested that we just watch a couple of contractions and see what happened. We watched some contractions on the monitor (thanks to the glory of my epidural), and even though I wasn’t pushing, some really great things happened in these few minutes. One, the baby descended, on her own, much further down into the birth canal. Also, I was able to really start to feel the pressure and the contraction waves that I wasn’t feeling before. I wasn’t in intense pain, but I could definitely feel the pressure rising. I started pushing again after that. I remember Becki calling for a baby nurse asking her if she wanted to attend a “birthday party in room # such and such.” They started being able to see the head sometime after that. It really seemed to everyone that she was completely bald. (I did feel the head at some point in time also.) Again, one of my favorite parts of this delivery was seeing the extreme excitement on Curt’s face as the pushes got more productive and he could really tell that she was close. That was so encouraging to me last time to just keep pushing, and it was this time as well. (I get a little self-conscious and awkward feeling during pushing.) After a few more pushes, at 1:33 pm, Jocelyn Raeanne Sharbaugh came into the world, screaming and face up. The first thing I heard from both Nancy and Becki was, “oh you little stinker.” What we had been thinking was a bald head, was actually her poor forehead. She had successfully come out, head down, but face/forehead up. She was immediately passed up to my stomach to meet while the nurse wiped her off. Curt cut the cord, and I spent some time staring at and starting to get to know my little girl (and trying to come up with something else to say to her besides “hi” and “shhhhh”).

Stay tuned for Part 2...

The facebook statuses that weren't...

2011-09-28T08:04:00.000-07:00

but could have been.

- I may only have one child in diapers right now, but since we go through at least two diapers at every diaper change, it feels vaguely familiar!
- I may not have gotten a ton of sleep last night (Tuesday night), but it was certainly still better than Tuesday night a week ago. And sleeping with a bundle on my chest is much better than that bundle in my belly.
- How can one week bring such change into our lives? Good change. But definitely change.

She's here...

2011-09-27T15:12:00.000-07:00

Jocelyn Raeanne Sharbaugh
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
1:33 PM
7 lbs 3 oz
20.5 inches

We love her. And I have much more to say later...

Oh, Mackenna...

2011-09-27T15:08:00.000-07:00

The other day our sweet little Mackenna was acting a little less than sweet. She was going to the potty and having a chat with daddy. She got a little frustrated about something and decided taking a swat at daddy was the way to go. When he reprimanded her for this, she quickly chimed in, "I was just giving you a high five."

Also, during dinner tonight, Mackenna was happily telling us something about her food. She ended her statement with a burp. As she was saying excuse me (since that is proper manners, you know), she ended that statement with a snort. She is quite the lady!

So apparently that can happen...

2011-09-21T02:24:00.000-07:00

I thought my water broke last night around 6:30 PM. It was the most exciting thing. Except that it didn't really happen.

It really just felt right. It had been a different kind of day. I had kind of felt "leaky" all day, contractions were picking up in frequency and intensity, I had the intense desire to clean my house. When my "water broke," it just seemed like the next step. An awesome next step.

Unfortunately, I guess it was just pee. :) So, yup, I can think of all kinds of funny things to say here, like: Micah isn't the only one who had an accident yesterday or just when I get two kids out of diapers, we will have two more in diapers, etc.

Yeah, I didn't really think it was so funny last night. And I'm not sure I still do. Water breaking is such a clear sign that your body is saying "go time." There is no turning back. I really got a glimpse that I was really going to be holding a baby sometime soon. It was beautiful.

Now, it is 5:21 AM, and I got VERY little sleep last night. I'm ready to go to the hospital for the 2nd time in less than 12 hours, and I'm hopeful that we will have a different result. I'm hopeful, but I'm also feeling a little jaded.

However, he is too wise to be mistaken and too good to be unkind. He has already gone before and prepared my day. Now it is time for me to walk into it with an open mind and heart.

Dwell on the truth

2011-09-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

I am trying to "take every thought captive" when it comes to swirl of thoughts in my head about the upcoming birth of this baby girl. I am thankful that I hopefully only have two more nights of sleep/worry before she arrives. I wake up frequently in the night, and it is hard to get the crazy thoughts out of my head when I'm trying to go back to sleep. I try to spend the time praying, and I thought it might be helpful to make a list of true thoughts to dwell on during those harder times.

- God is the blessed and only Sovereign - it is only He who ultimately controls the events of this child's birth (1 Timothy 6:15)
- God is the one who gave her life and has sustained her thus far - he is the one in charge
- I cannot, by worrying, add or subtract a single minute to her life (Matthew 6:27)
- God has determined her times and places to live (Acts 17:26)
- God gives good gifts to those who ask (Matthew 7:11)
- God is my refuge and strength, present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1)

What else should be added to this list?

**Some updates from friends -
- God loves her and will not forget her, even if I could (Isaiah 49:14-16)
- God has knit her together in my womb. She, as well as me, is fearfully and wonderfully made. All of her days are written in his book before she has even come (Psalm 139:13-18)
- It is the Lord who gives good things to those who walk with him (Psalm 84:11)
- And one courtesy of my kids and their cubbies studies! All beautiful things are created by God (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

Almost a big sister

2011-09-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

My sweet little Mackenna. Hard to believe she is almost a big sister. Where has the time gone?

She really has a tender side. I love seeing the way she cares for me and the baby. She will often ask me how mama is doing, how my belly feels, if it is tight, if I am sore. She came up tonight and just put one hand on her chin and one hand on my belly, waiting for a kick. She prays consistently (Micah does too, but especially her) thanking God that mama has a baby. She can't wait to be a big sister. She wants to play with her sister, but she also knows she will do a lot of sleeping and eating from mama in the beginning. When she gets bigger, she says she wants to be "just like mama." She still loves to snuggle, even though my belly gets in the way. She gives great hugs, being careful of the baby, and sometimes even hugging her too. Yes, she has an awful temper and range of emotions, but she has such a tender and affectionate side that it completely melts my heart. I'm so happy that I get the privilege of being her mama, and I can't wait for her to have a sister.

Our cat hisses

2011-09-17T16:26:00.001-07:00

At least the yellow one does, the one Micah has decided is "his" cat (Peeve).
Today at lunch he announced that Peeve was his cat but he couldn't talk to him, bc whenever he does Peeve says "bad things" to him.
Glad he has standards!

Maybe she'll be here by the next update

2011-09-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

The version was four days ago. I have transitioned into a new phase of uncomfortable since the version. The pain wasn't "that" bad during the version, but it left my abdomen really tender and sore. This has made moving and bending more difficult - I officially look strange when I do anything. I have been having quite a few contractions, mostly false ones I assume, some are painful, but they don't fall into any kind of pattern yet.

I did think that the baby had flipped back to breech or transverse. I felt some major rolling movements, and I thought I felt her hard round head in the exact same spot it was before the version on Wednesday morning. I knew the plan would be to do the version again, and schedule an induction for immediately after, in my 39th week. I also knew that the baby was just going to get bigger and more and more stuck, so I wanted to do the procedure early in the week. For this reason, I moved my 39 week appointment to Friday (yesterday) instead of Monday.

The doctor that I saw on Friday also thought that she had flipped back breech when she felt my abdomen. She also couldn't conclusively tell from the internal exam. However, the ultrasound showed that she was indeed still head down, but actively squirming around. Because her position does not seem "fixed" at this point, the doctor said that if I was okay with scheduling an induction next week, so was she. Assuming she is still head down, I can go back to a midwife delivery - the ladies in the practice that I am at least more familiar with. I do feel that this is a wise decision, if she is head down, then, Lord willing, it will be a smooth induction in the middle of my 39th week, just 5 days before my due date. If she isn't, and I go to the hospital before my water breaks or I am in active labor, then hopefully we will be able to attempt a version. I don't believe this would be the case if I waited for labor.

So Wednesday is the day (with my favorite midwife). That leaves today and tomorrow, fairly normal weekend days for us. Monday, a family day, maybe going to the beach. And Tuesday, a work day for Curt and a normal mom day for me. That is it. I can't believe it.

Some prayer requests -

- That she really would stay head down until Wednesday. I'm going to play music down low and not lie down flat, but the rest is up to her!

- That I would make a little more progress before the induction on Wednesday. I had a very successful and smooth induction with the twins (they had pretty much turned off pitocin by the afternoon), but I had made a little more progress by the start of the induction.

- If she is not head down on Wednesday, that a good doctor would be on call for the version and it would be successful - not leaving me too sore to accomplish labor.

- If she is not head down on Wednesday, and if a version is not possible, that all involved will have wisdom about the potential c-section.

- That she really would be born on Wednesday (or Thursday). I have a hard time controlling my emotions as we go into this situation, and gearing up for a birth on Wednesday, for it not to happen just seems really hard to deal with.

- For a healthy, good nursing, little girl

- For safety for my mom as she travels down on Friday (one week from yesterday - wow!) - and that the timing of her trip would be just perfect

- That I would be able to sleep as much as possible between now and then - not awake because of crazy thoughts in my head

Baby Hijinks

2011-09-14T18:34:00.000-07:00

Time for some baby updates. This is mostly old news now, but I wanted to record.

I went Monday (the 12th) for my 38 week appointment. First of all, my weight has continued to fluctuate/drop, as it has since I returned from vacation in mid July. I will spare myself the embarassment of posting the actual numbers, but it has just been bouncing around the same basic July weight. I mentioned this to the midwife, and she just encouraged me to eat more. Haha. I really don't think that is my "problem." At least the tray of chocolate chip cookies I had polished off the night before didn't think that was the problem. She felt around my abdomen and proceeded to go ahead and measure for my growth. Up until 34 weeks, I had been measuring on schedule, and then I had started measuring a week behind. This week, I had "lost" two weeks and was now four weeks behind, measuring only 34 weeks. The midwife didn't show overt concern over this, but she did mention that we would check internally and see if the drop was because the baby had dropped her head lower into the pelvis. (The week before at 37, she couldn't confirm the baby's position externally, but was pretty sure from internal exam that she was feeling head down position.) When she went to check, she was quick to say that it wasn't a head she was feeling, but probably a foot. So we moved to the ultrasound room to confirm. Meanwhile, I was trying not to worry about the drop in weight and growth, but the appointment had kind of moved at its own pace, and in the meantime we hadn't checked the fetal heartbeat yet. The midwife realized this, but just decided to check on ultrasound while we were over there. Sure enough, she was head up (on my upper right side). I asked about her heart, and we went over to check, but from the angle that we were first at, it honestly didn't look like it was beating. We quickly fixed that and saw that it was fine. Her butt and feet were down in my pelvis. Debbie, my midwife, wonderfully talked to me about my options. I am so thankful that back at 34 to 36 weeks, I had had to consider the risks and rewards of a version, because when it came up this time, I was able to say that "yes, I would like one" without a lot of hesitation. The main consideration was when to have one. Doing it as soon as possible, at 38 weeks, gave us the greatest chance that the baby would still be small enough and high enough (out of the birth canal) that we would be able to get her to turn, but it also presented the greatest chance that she would flip right back. Waiting until 39 weeks would mean a somewhat lower chance for success, but a greater chance that the doctor would be willing to induce labor immediately if we were able to achieve a head down position. I opted for trying at 38 weeks and then potentially trying again at 39 weeks if she was breech again at that point. The midwife seemed to agree that this was a good course of action. So the plan became to go to the hospital at 7 am on Wednesday, get a fetal scan for position, get the shot of muscle relaxer, get an IV started (just in case), do the version, and then do a fetal growth ultrasound to check for size and overall health of the baby because of my slowed growth.

That brings us to today, kind of. I should probably mention first that it is a weird thing to prepare for having a baby, but yet knowing that that is really only a very small possibility. I needed to be prepared. I needed to have the house ready, bag packed, kid care in place, car seat in hand, because there was a risk of a version leading to an immediate c-section, but in reality, it was a very low likelihood. So, I tried to emotionally and physically prepare myself to have a baby on Wednesday, but also tried not to get my hopes up too much and try to think of the day as a pretty routine dress rehearsal for the hopeful eventual real thing one day soon.

I didn't get a lot of sleep on Tuesday night. Partly because I was anxious to get the event started, but also because right before bed I had gotten news that my friend Joanne was at the hospital having her twin boys, and then when I woke up around 4, I saw the text with a beautiful picture of her little ones. Sleep was hard to come by. Marcia had come to watch the kids (somewhat unsure as to whether she was committing to watching them for the morning or for a few days!), and Curt and I left for the hospital. We got checked in on the labor and delivery floor and met our nurse for the morning. We got a good one. She was feisty and funny. I had never met this doctor before, because I have only been seeing the midwives, and I have only met two of the six doctors in the practice. She came in and was very nice. She was upbeat, but comforting, very down to earth. She told me she would try the procedure about three times. She looked around on the ultrasound trying to determine the best direction to take the rotation. (She made sure and pointed out that the baby waved at us in the meantime, and then gave us a fist pump, potentially indicating she wasn't so happy about what was coming!) Dr. Dadisman then started firmly, but consistently, pushing on my abdomen, in a counter clockwise position to try and move the head down. The baby didn't really move. She decided to try the other direction, even though it was longer (the baby's head started on my upper right side). The baby responded by moving some, ending up about in the upper middle. (They would confirm with ultrasound between each push.) Both the nurse and the doctor worked together this time, the nurse pushing the baby's bottom out of the pelvis and the doctor rotating the baby's head clockwise down into the pelvis. They got it over to my left side, and I think they were considering quitting, but the doctor could tell that she was moving, they were having some "success," just needed to keep trying. They gave it one more good try and ended up with a head down baby girl. They watched her on the ultrasound for awhile and then put us both back on the monitors to check for baby's heart rate and any potential contractions. She didn't seem distressed to us, her heart rate seemed to stay between 140 and 160. The doctor stayed and charted for awhile and watched her progress; she wanted to see her get a "little happier." I proceeded to wait for the growth ultrasound.

As far as "pain" went, I had been told a variety of things - that it was the worst thing ever, and that it wasn't really that bad. I would say it was somewhere in the middle. It was a lot of pressure. Curt said that at one point my stomach was pushed so flat that it didn't look pregnant at all. But it was a dull pain, as opposed to something more sharp and painful like the shot in the arm I had gotten or the therapy I went through on my sewn through finger last year. However, I may actually have a higher pain tolerance than I thought, because the nurse and doctor did not think that I was going to be okay with how much they were pushing. They thought it was pretty bad. So maybe I'm tougher than I realize. Maybe I could do natural childbirth!

The ultrasound was interesting. The tech was a man, and he was really funny. He seemed good at his job, even though he had a bit of a rough mouth. He quickly saw that the head was still in the "down" position, and then he went to confirm gender (for our third time). She is very very clearly a girl. If she isn't a she...then we have some bigger problems to deal with. Her head measurements were somewhere around 38 weeks, her belly measurements closer to 36 weeks and her leg measurements closer to 40 weeks - giving us an overall estimate of 38 weeks for her age (right on track) and about 7ish pounds. (We'll see about this, they always seem to be "high" estimates from my experience.) She was doing good practice breathing, she seemed to be talking to us, her heart was beating well, she was sucking her thumb. We enjoyed watching her on the ultrasound, looking so healthy and beautiful. We were dismissed from ultrasound back to our room, and we were waiting to be discharged. We got news that the radiologist wouldn't clear us from ultrasound until they looked at her bladder some more. We remembered that he had commented on how large the bladder was, but we didn't think much of it. Probably an hour or so had gone by when it was time for the second ultrasound, and the bladder still was really big. The kidneys looked fine, so it was clear that it hadn't backed up to the point of ruining the kidneys, but there was still some concern that the version had possibly caused a bladder obstruction of some kind. We continued waiting and watching, and she did eventually empty her bladder. The mood wasn't too tense during this time, but it was the only time in the day that I thought a c-section might have been a real possibility. We left the hospital around noon.

It is now night time, and I am really sore. My belly is tender to the touch, and overall sore and crampy. I actually had red marks/scratches on me when I looked earlier. Between all the ultrasounds and pushing, I am tender to say the least. Also, I did feel one weird movement that makes me wonder if she has already flipped back to transverse or breech, but I'm too tender to do much poking around right now.

All in all, I'm thankful for the day. I enjoyed the people I was able to talk with today: ultrasound techs, nurse, doctor, husband. I'm thankful that I had a dry run at the hospital and hopefully I won't have to answer as many questions next time. Thankful that my bags are all really packed now and I'm prepared for the eventual real moment that will be coming. Thankful that I was able to see her moving, growing body. Thankful that we confirmed one more time that she really is a she. Thankful that we were able to get her head down. I am still curious as to how this story is going to end, and when, but it is really just a matter of curiosity, as I know that Someone else knows and has it all planned, just hasn't told me yet!

Rhyming

2011-09-09T09:56:00.001-07:00

Sometimes Micah gets the rhyming thing right. Mostly he doesn't. His favorite rhyming words right now: "Pat, Rat, Snot" (And he especially loves saying these words loudly in a store, over and over!)

He hears us!!

2011-09-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

Mackenna just shouted, "God hears us!"

She then went on to say, "Thank you for making the world!"...."HE HEARS US!!"

And then,
"Thank you for making me, and for making Micah"......"HE HEARS US!!"

And then,
"Thank you for hearing us!"

Wow.....

(Micah is now thanking Mackenna for making the world, and she is correcting him with "no, God made the world.")

Update:
I want to make sure I mention Mackenna's traditional mealtime prayer right now. "Thank you that we get bigger. Thank you that we have a baby. Thank you we go to church on Sunday. (*sometimes/rarely* Thank you for our food.)"

"Are you happy now?"

2011-09-07T07:48:00.001-07:00

We have been having some conversations about what makes mommy happy. The other day I was telling sweet Mackenna that it does not make me happy when she pees on the floor. The rest of the day was filled with her asking me, "Are you happy now, Mama?"

Then yesterday, as we were driving home from a friend's house, both kids took their carseat straps off their arms. I was reprimanding them, while still driving down the busy road. We talked about how straps keep us safe and how they are never to take them off while we are driving. Mackenna then asked me, "Are you happy now, Mama?" I told her "no, I am happy when you obey." She replied, "Well, what can I do to make you happy?" I told her, "obey Mama." She responded in a high-pitched, like-she-was-twirling-around-voice, "What if I go 'woooooo', will that make you happy? See, 'wooooooooo'! Are you happy now, Mama?"

Oh, sweet sweet little Mashugana, you do make your mama happy, even when you shouldn't!

More Meals

2011-09-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

Here is another round of "eat half freeze half" meals...

Wednesday - traditional "Awana Night Pizza"

Thursday - Homemade chicken and noodles and mashed potatoes. I plan on making a big batch of noodles, so I can freeze half of them (as well as half of the broth and chicken) to use later. I won't be freezing mashed potatoes, but could always do the Steam and Mash ones when I make this the second time around

Friday - Homemade mac and cheese and Chicken Tenders

Saturday - Creamy Taco Mac

Sunday - Slow Cooker Chicken Corn Chowder (with more cornbread)

Monday - Plans

Tuesday - Creamy Beef over Noodles

Wednesday - you guessed it, Pizza again

Thursday - Pasta Milano

Friday - maybe I'll have a baby by then....hahhaahahaha....and since I probably won't, I'll console myself by making these - Ham and Cheese Sliders

Saturday - Mexican Chicken Casserole

34 week BabyBaugh update - and 35 week thoughts

2011-08-24T06:59:00.000-07:00

(I am over 35 weeks now, but this post/email was written a week ago.)
I went to the OB yesterday, for my 34 week checkup. My midwife confirmed by feeling around what I have felt pretty confident about this whole time, the baby is lying transverse (across) my abdomen. Her head is probably a little higher than her feet - her head on my right side and her feet on my left (slightly diagonal, mostly transverse). I have thought this to be the case, but I know that babies can turn and I figured I had 6 weeks or so before this became an issue. Turns out that the manual turning process (from which, the best I can tell, is called an external cephalic version or just a "version") is usually done at 36 weeks. She just kind of of casually mentioned it at this visit, and I was so caught off guard that I really didn't get to ask any questions. From what I can tell, this is a somewhat serious procedure. It is done at the hospital, because there is a risk of needing an immediate c-section (if the baby's heart rate doesn't recover from the procedure or the cord wraps around her neck) or breaking my water and sending me into labor. That is why they wait until 36 weeks to do it, but the closer to 36 weeks the better (again, from what I know), because the bigger the baby or the less fluid they have, the harder it is to make happen. The baby is monitored via heart monitor and ultrasound during the procedure. It is quite painful for me to go through also.

So here are some prayer requests -

- That baby girl would turn on her own between now and my next visit, Monday the 29th (a couple of things I read last night mention that the closer we get to 36 weeks, the less chance that a transverse baby can turn on their own. Breech is one thing, transverse is even more difficult. Also, breech can be attempted to deliver - although doctors here don't do it – but transverse can absolutely not fit through the birth canal.)

- I don't really know how this practice handles this procedure - when they do it, what meds they administer, when they would schedule it, what they do if it doesn't work, who does it, etc - I would like to get some of those questions answered before my next visit, over the phone I guess, please pray that they get back with me and answer my questions

- That I could avoid a c-section if at all possible, and that I wouldn't panic about a c-section and the possible complications if that is what it comes to

- That I would have victory over the thoughts that are swirling around in my head

Update today:

Here is what I know so far. I was able to call the OB office last week, and my midwife does call me back. She told me that at 36 weeks, the Dr./midwife will confirm the baby's position by feeling and then possible ultrasound, and we'll talk about our options. If she is still transverse and we go with a version, they will schedule it for sometime that week. It would be done on the labor and delivery floor at the hospital. They will give me a muscle relaxer (not really for pain, but I think more for the success of the procedure and for preventing contractions) and they will monitor the baby for heart rate and via ultrasound. A doctor would do the procedure (assisted by someone, I assume). They would also monitor us for about an hour afterwards. I asked about rescheduling my next visit for a doctor, since that is who would do the procedure and the potential eventual c-section, and she said it wasn't necessary, but it is still what I have done. I go next Monday morning for my 36 week visit.

As far as the baby goes, I am feeling some new and different movements. I am feeling some things lower and higher that I haven't felt up to this point. Also, her hiccups seem to be in a different location. She may be moving. Our prayers are potentially already taking care of this issue :) Who knows though. I really won't be surprised next Monday if I find out she is still transverse, if she has turned breech, or if she is head down...I just don't know.

Many people have suggested seeing a chiropractor for the Webster technique. I am somewhat looking into this, but haven't made up my mind yet. I have asked some ladies in my nursing moms group if any of them have had experiences with versions, particularly at my practice, and I have gotten some good and helpful feedback from some. I also am going to call and talk to one on Thursday afternoon.

The Lord brought someone across my path last Wednesday night, and it just kind of randomly came up that she went to my practice and had a successful c-section with her most recent baby. That was really encouraging to hear. I am not panicked about the potential at this point.

Thanks for your prayers.